A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:I really dont know where to begin other than I suspected my husband had feelings for my sister and thought maybe she felt the same way. One night many years ago they held back whilst walking home and my instincts told me something was not right. It now transpires that he told her he thought of her whilst having sex with me and looked at our wedding video and only saw her. She decided to confront him the following day and said she only saw him as brother and never to speak to her like that again as it was disrespectful to me.Years later I was involved in a very serious car accident any my sister never came to see me (we live in different countries). My husband confronted her in the UK whilst visiting friends and told me that she had said he had come on to her and told her he had married the wrong sister (apparently on our wedding day)and that was the reason why. He denied this to me and told me she was jealous and to have nothing else to do with her. I stupidly did this and a couple of days ago(five years on) I rang her and asked for her side of the story, she asked me if I remembered a night we went out to celebrate something and I knew instantly she was telling the truth as that what the night my suspicion began. She also tells me when I was looking after my three kids he was coming on to an old friend of mine.I have been sitting on this info for three days now as my husband is not here and wont return for another three days. Part of me wants to scream down the phone at him and demand an explanation of his behaviour but another side thinks it is better to bide my time and see the reaction on his face when I confront himAt this precise moment I feel destroyed, the kids are asking what is wrong and I don`t want to tell them.I asked my sister why she didnt tell me about this and she said because I was so in love with him and was moving abroad she thought it best to protect me.Someone please tell me what you think and what I can do to get through the next few days, who to believe and what would you do.
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different countries, jealous, wedding Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, Dazzerg  +, writes (24 January 2009):
 Just as an addition my honest impartial impression is your sister is telling *more* of the truth but still not the entirity...
A
male
reader, Dazzerg +, writes (24 January 2009):
Its ok :). That still doesnt ring true to me because you dont lose somebody because they leave a country. Besides, if thats right she should have told you then before she left and thus fought tooth and claw to *keep* you with her....all that strikes a really discordent note with me I am afraid.
Its true that she could have done it a long time ago but to me as above really, if she was so bothered about 'losing you' then why on earth didnt she at least try. Something doesnt add up in what shes saying nor in what your husband is saying....
Your caught in the middle. I think you need some straight answers from your husband but you do need to be face-to-face when you get them. Also, I get a slight inkling that maybe you do know the truth but dont want to face it...what is your honest, straight down the middle feeling on this?xx
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 January 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthank you for answering so quickly. Basically I didnt ask for her side of this until now. I think maybe i was scared of what i would hear, she tells me that she went to see a friend the morning after the incident and they decided it was best to confront him and tell him never again. However when they met and he asked why she hadnt been to see me he is telling me a very different story to her. He claims she didnt even ask about me, she claims she did.
I plucked up the courage to ask her why she hadnt been to see me after the accident and she told me she had lost me a long time ago when I left the country and if I was prepared to hear what really happened she would tell me as she now had nothing to lose. My husband has just phoned and Im finding it increasingly difficult not to be aggressive towards him.
Basically he let me tell my kids that their aunty hadnt come to see me because she was jealous and wanted to split us up. Surely if that was the case then she could`ve done that a long time ago. Also he asked her again if she felt anything for him and she said only as a brother to which he said brother in law is different. God im so confused.
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A
male
reader, Dazzerg +, writes (24 January 2009):
This is tricky one because either could be lying for other motives; I have to say though to be perfectly honest this is one of those things you can anylyse from every angle and produce a case either way but I would give your casting vote to your gut on this one because you know them far better than any of us and should have a better feeling for which one is telling the truth.
If you think both of them felt the same way then both have a possible ulterior motive for lying however your sister has less to gain other than petty one-up manship over you; but its not as if she could exactly have him for herself even if you did split so on that score i'd tilt slightly towards the sister being the one telling the truth. On the other her story for waiting to tell you sounds implausible to me; if she knew you loved him that much why wait until the damage is going to be greater at a later date? Maybe she did feel the attraction too and felt guilty because of nothing more than that but still it doesnt quite ring true to my ears. Also, the question has to be why now? My gut would actually suggest that the core truth lies somewhere in-between what the two are saying and that other motivations are twisting what they tell you.
Practically, I think you should wait until things are face-to-face because then you can best gauge the truthfulness of his reaction. Good luck :)
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