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female
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anonymous
writes: Did he cheat to revenge? Why did he withdraw recently?I was dating this German guy for almost half year, he was distanced from me in the first 3 month dating, so we were kind of on and off for almost 4 months. So I went out with another guy who fall into love with me the time, I went out with him because I was extremetly frustrated with the German guy who I really love, then I made a big mistake. I hurt both of them, I left the guy who really loved me and begged the German guy to forgive me because I really love him. He did give me a real hard time for about one month, I have to reach out him every time and when he wants me everytime I have to come over.Things got changed after one month hard time, I did everything for him unconditionally to prove my love to him. He then became committed seriously and said he loves me after one month, while he never said "I love you" and committed seriously like this before. But recently after he came back from HK for a 10 day vacation, his life schedule suddenly changed, he slept much earlier than before and never initiated sex as he did every time before, and he complained "very tired" before I wanted to initiate sometimes, so I hardly get a time to initiate it. So we did not have sex about three weeks in March, I felt horribly unwanted. I complained to him, he told me that he wanted to change and did no want to lose me. Friday night I asked him to meet up afterwards, he did not want to, he would rather stay with his friends to hip-pop bars after dinner until 4:00am, he went to bars at Thursday's night as well until 3:00-4:00am according to what he said. So, Saturday night he took me out for a dinner and then We went back to my place, we did have a good time together, I just wanted to stay longer time with him but he wanted to leave at midnight, the reasons sound very lame-he has too much things important for his career to run at Sunday, he has to study for exam so on and so forth. I did not get it since this kind of things happened frequently in the last three weeks. I felt totally unwanted and rejected, which badly destoried my self-esteem. Everytime when he spent time at bars, he never worry about how late he was going to stay, recently everytime when he was with him, he became sensative about his time. I am definitely not his priority or someone he really enjoys to be with.I asked me what was wrong, he just said he was busy for something important for his career and study, that does not make sense since that is only thing about time management. I really got hurt since I invested too much emotions and became attached to him more and more, I talked to him, he did not understnad and blamed me saying I was too negative, I could not take it more and suggested breaking up, he said he wanted to improve it and did not want to lose me. I love him so much so I agreed. But I really did not get it, my gut feelings tell me something must went wrong or was going on. He refused to tell me. I was really upset and depressed, could not focus on my school work and very important thing in my life. I tried to talk to him, he just refused to think at my feet but fought again and again.I really love him, I rejected all other guys and wanted to be with him completely. I almost lost myself being with him and tried to prove my love to him after my mistake, I am the one who always compromise and sacrifice my time and never reject all of his request. I know what i did doesn't make me attractive but I just want to do for him because of love, because I do not want to play game any more.But what was going on with him? Did he cheat on me to revenge (he told me he did this when he found that his first gf cheated on him)? Should I stay with him or break up? I could not stand more headache and hurt, and I am becoming even attached to him than ever. What I should do? Laid back and distant him? I did that in the beginning of dating when he was playing on and off, and I went out with another guy also just as a rebounce, but I do not want to do it anymore to hurt someone innocent. Thanks a lot!
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Jadzia1127  +, writes (3 April 2006):
 Stop beating yourself up, your boyfriend is already doing a good job for you.
For some reason you are attracted to men who treat you badly. This attraction of yours is not healthy. You need to figure out why you love men who can treat you so badly. Try to figure out why you can't fall for guys that treat you good. Then you need to figure out how to break this bad attraction.
Then date with your head and if your heart doesn't sooner or later fall in line then you need some intensive counselling.
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