A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I recently got engaged to a guy I've been dating for 2 years. When we first started dating, a friend of mine mentioned she thought he was gay. I dismissed her, however started paying close attention to his movements (upward little finger, occasional hip swaying, etc.) although there weren't any real concerns. But yesterday, I found that "someone" has been buying gay porn through PPV on his TV since 2005!! He completely denies that it was him, and says someone must be coming into his home while he's gone (he lives by himself). This really concerns me, because we're 4 months away from getting married. If he's lying, and it is him who's buying the porn, does it necesarilly mean he's gay?
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male
reader, Boonridge McPhalify  +, writes (29 March 2008):
 a gay porn long term burglary sounds implausible, an equally ridiculous idea is that it was a poltergiest in the telly that did it ("carol ann, come into the light")
he has clearly been getting his rocks off to bum bandits 5 and if your going to marry him you might have to accept it. it isn't going to do wonders for your self esteem. he might be bi but i reckon he wanted a marriage to please mummy and daddy in either case (by having kids or maybe he saw this as the easy way to get them and really wants them himself enough to live a lie), and feels lost.
lazy guy correctly said that the stupid excuse was the most worrying aspect of all this, but from how your question is phrased ("if he's lying") i think your denial is the most worrying bit as combined with his it could lead you both into a very bad situation which could make you bitter in your later years...
A
male
reader, LazyGuy  +, writes (26 March 2008):
 I would worry more about him using such an idiotic excuse on you. What does he think your IQ is?
It is all the latest craze amoung burglars you know, break into peoples houses, leave everything as it is and watch porn.
You might want to read up a bit more on the various shades of grey between hetero and homosexual. Few people are 100% one or the other.
He may not even know himself yet which way he swings. How is his overall intimacy towards you?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 March 2008): Hey!
Ok well the things like swaying hips and finger position are really nothing to go on. One of my mates is totally straight, as in dates and is turned on by girls, but he acts totally "gay" in terms of his movements, and one of my gay mates is captain of the regional rugby team and is the most manly man you will ever meet, so thats nothing to go by...
Gay porn on the other hand....
If someone is coming into his house, since 2005 and buying porn... he should call the police and have the credit card its payed onto tracked, they can do that and find out who the heck it is!!
If you suggest taht and he fumbles about myh not to do it, then it is most likely him buying gay porn.
Next step is to figure out if you mind this. If your fiancee loves you and you love him and pary of him is that he is bisexual (obviously he isnt totally gay, otherwise he wouldnt be with you!) are you ok with that?
I mean, do you really mind if your fiancee gets turned on by watching men have sex? I guess it all comes down to your feelings about it. I would think it was kinda weird, but at the same time, I could be OK about it. If it was only the porn.
Basically I think you guys need to have a long conversation about this and work out who bought the porn and why and where to go from there.
I hope this helps hun, :-D
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