A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hey guysI've been going out with a 36 year old guy for about 6 months now (I'm 21) and everything's great. Age difference hasn't been an issue, and whilst our relationship isn't typical as he's at sea quite a lot, we email and it's great even when he isn't here. He made it quite clear on the 2nd date that he wasn't looking for a short term relationship – that he wants to settle down – which is fine by me, I'd love to do that with him. He tends to make strange comments – like we've discussed how many kids we both want and when – things I wouldn't expect to be talking about when we've not been together very long! But recently I've started to wonder if it's some sort of game. Not when I'm with him, then it couldn't be further from my mind... but I think my family's pessimistic attitude may be wearing off on me! I guess what's got me worried is that he hasn't mentioned me to his family and says he's waiting for the 'right time' and also that when I'm going to be on holiday with my family over the summer where he'll be, he says we have to be 'discrete'. Am wondering if I'm good enough to be with when no one knows, but not to have a future with or for him to be seen with. We've already slept together a few times – and seen each other since – so it's not like he was just trying to get me into bed. Wondered if anyone could tell me if I'm just being paranoid, or if there's anything I could do that might reveal his true intentions? Would be really appreciated!
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reader, anonymous, writes (5 June 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI have been to his house and I met his lodger (guess he counts as a friend!) He hasn't given me his home number, but then I haven't given him mine either, nor has he been to my house. He's met my Mum as she was with me when we first met, but that's all. Not that I don't want to introduce him to my friends, they just never seem to be around when we're going out!
I guess I should talk to him, I just didn't want to come across as paranoid or immature or something :)
A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (4 June 2009):
 Is he Navy?
Not that it matters. First of all. Talk to him. Ask him when you get to met his family. (preferably ask this face to face so you can gauge his reaction).
He might want to take it slow, but wanted to be honest from the get go that he didn't just want a casual fling. However, there are some red flags there. Do you know where he lives when not out to sea? Do you have his home number? Have you met ANY of his friends? Has he met yours?
Don't second guess yourself, talk to him.
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