A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Everything between my boyfriend and I, is fine when we get to talk about everything... But we went to a party together the other weekend..and I could tell he was interested in talking to this other girl. He said later that he wasn't that interested in talking to her.. but I could tell that he was, he lit her smoke up for her. Anyway... I feel like I know my boyfriend and I know when his attention is on something... we're that close. But later he told me he didn't care at all for me, didn't even remember talking to her much at all. I know it's just him talking to another girl... But the issue is that, either I can't read him? or he's lying to me? I'm very confused. Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 April 2009): Most probably argue that lighting another's cigarette does not an immoral act make.I'll tell you where I'm concerned: 1. What he said contradicts what he did, 2. Your gut instinct.I've learned to trust my instinct one hundred percent. It has never been wrong. Where there's smoke... If you suspect it, then it's happened. I can't stress this enough. When you are at a party and your instinct kicks in, that pesky little truth alarm that goes off in the back of your mind telling you your man is hell bent to check someone else out before the night is through, then you're pretty much right.When you say he later told you he didn't care at all for me, I think you meant he said he didn't care for her, and he said he didn't remember talking to her much. BS. He does remember talking to her, because he was there when he did it.When a guy talks to a girl for a while, it's because of the standard: he-thinks-she's-hot-at-least-when-he-first-scoped-her routine. And then the surefire way to know if your man actually was getting into it with a woman is when he denies the experience.Your greatest evidence is that you feel confused by what he's saying; it's not matching up to your instinct.The problem isn't the cigarette, and it's probably not even what they said to each other. The problem is that now you have to run around in life wondering who he's flirting with and now you know he's capable of denying it. I know it's unsettling...Looks like he doesn't want to talk about it; he's closed. So, here's my way to keep things on a level playing field, and mostly to keep me sane: I do what he does. And I do it openly. Since my boyfriend wants to act single, there you go, I can do it too. And when your boyfriend confronts you about any flirting he's observed, hand it right back to him, "I don't know what you're talking about. I don't even remember talking to him much at all." The age of one-way streets is over!!!!
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 April 2009): does he normally light up cigarettes for his other female friends? but even if your intuition is right, that even if he was "interested" in that girl, it was perhaps only during those particular moments. it may not be an interest big enough for him to actively pursue this girl and to throw away what you and him have. i think throughout the course of a relationship, we are bound to find other people attractive and we are bound to be interested in other people at some point, be it just a silly crush on a co-worker or a flirtatious moment with a newly met friend. All can be harmless. however, if his intention was to flirt with that girl by lighting up her smoke, i'd think he was being disrespectful to you if you were right there at the party. but as most females are, myself included, we tend to read too much into every little detail and over-analyze every trivial situation until we drive ourselves close to insanity and overwhelm ourselves with unnecessary jealousy and insecurity. if your bf says he isn't interested in her, then trust his response and let it go, but observe how he acts towards her the next time he sees her.
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