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female
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*ugarbuns
writes:I think my b/f may be bi-sexual. Last night when we were partying together, he told me that when he was 14 years old he bullied another boy into taking his pants off and fondling himself while my b/f watched. Then another time, he said he let a male friend go down on him. I tried not to act alarmed by his confessions but I'm confused and afraid. We've been together for 3 years and I love him dearly but all along, I've had some funny suspicions that I couldn't really put my finger on. Nothing concrete, just women's intuition. So I've ignored the thoughts, but now he's revealing some things that concern me. He said when he bullied the kid into exposing himself, he liked knowing he could control someone like that. His Dad was in the military and was always kind of abusive and mean to him. My b/f is kind of small in stature so maybe this was a temporary way to feel like a man. And maybe boys experiment like this and I'm just naive. Is it possible that all men go through phases like this when they are growing up? He's been married before, he has children. But he also has low sex drive and I always blame myself for his lack of interest. Could it be something more?......I could really use the advice of other men who can tell me if my b/f is bi-sexual or not.
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reader, anonymous, writes (29 April 2008): He hasn't revealed any stories that happened after he became an adult, but one day we were looking through his photo box together and there was this photo of him and another guy swimming naked in a spring. They were in their late 20's and my b/f said they had been doing field work, it was hot, so they decided to take a dip. I thought it was strange that they didn't at least leave on their underwear but my b/f was raised in the 60's so I chalked it up to his ecclectic personality. Most of the other things I've noticed about him are pretty subtle. Like when he walks, he sort of swishes. He's a neat freak, everything in its place and utterly spotless. He's got great taste in clothes and a good fashion sense. He does know how to do manly things but he's also into moisturizers and things that smell good, like aromatherapy. His low sex drive is probably the most puzzling and the fact that I have to ask for affection from him most of the time.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 April 2008): My guess is that he is trying to come out of the closet to you. His lack of sex drive may be only with women, not men. My husband said that no straight man would ever mess around with a man, that that would be the grosest thing in the world to a straight man.
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reader, anonymous, writes (28 April 2008): Why is women always have a wild imagination and always think the far left of reality?
First, from what you've disclosed, there is no way an individual could determine if your boyfriend is bisexual. What is clear, is the way he was treated when young. He probably felt neglected when young and was taking it out on someone else (parents who spank there kids and have them drop there pants are humilated it has been shown). Having another guy give you a blow job means nothing. Lets not forget that many girls kiss each other and even give each other the tongue during their teens.
What you need to do is stop guessing, which will only make things worse, because you will convince yourself your right and eventually your boyfriend will be guilty.
Communication is very important, so talk to him about and share your feelings about it, so that he can explain himself. Just remember to listen with both head and heart and not just the heart, if your capable.
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female
reader, Susan Strict  +, writes (28 April 2008):
 It doesn't mean that he's bisexual just because he did those things when in his teens. Many people, boys and girls, have same-sex experiences and desires before their hormones have settled down properly.
It's more unusual for anyone who has had these sort of experiences to want to talk about them unless they are bisexual, but even so it's far from being conclusive "proof".
But suppose he is bisexual? It means that he is capable of loving either sex, not that he's going to love both sexes or that he is going to be any less faithful to you. If he is lucky enough to be able to appreciate the sexual attraction of either sex then that doesn't mean he can't maintain a monogamous relationship with someone he loves whichever sex they happen to be. So there is no reason it should be a problem. In fact, it might broaden the range of sexual activity that the two of you will enjoy together and open up all sorts of possibilities for "play" that otherwise he and you might never have considered.
If you are finding that he appears to have a low sex-drive but in all other ways he seems to love you, then why don't you try to find out if there's any activity he would particularly like to do but is too nervous to bring up the subject in case it shocks you? So many men are like that, not just those who are bisexual.
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