A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi, i have been going out with my boyfriend for almost 6 months now and everything was going so well until recently. The other night he went clubbing with his best friend and put photos of it on facebook which he showed me and that was all cool, looked drunk but like they had a good night. When we went out all together the night after with a big group the same camera was used and i was taking some photos. I was feeling a bit awkward so i looked through the pics on the camera for something to do to see the pics i had seen earlier again but there were lots of extra ones that had not been posted on facebook. They were of my boyfriend and other girls. There were some of both of them and other girls too. I know this on its own does not mean he has done wrong but i don't like that he had hid them from facebook and me. When i talked to him about it he said that he didn't put them on facebook as he knew i wouldn't like them. When i asked him why he did it if he knew it would hurt me he told me it shouldn't be a problem if i trusted him. I explained that it is not a matter of trust but that its disrespectful to do in a relationship. I don't know if i'm being too harsh on him or not for not liking it. All his friends are single and they have ever right to pull if they want so i know my bf will be around other girls in clubs. He also told me once that since he met me he stopped taking photos with other girls which is a lie then. I just don't know if i can trust him now he has hid something from me and lied to me. A couple of weeks before when we were at a party he left me at a table to dance with one of his friends which looked like a sexy dance to me. I talked to him about that too and he said he didn't realise and was just having fun with his friend. Do you thing i am overreacting to things or is he being disrespectful? He also spends a the same amount of time with his best friend as he does with me and the night i came back from 2 weeks away he said he couldn't meet up until a few days time and i saw on facebook he was out clubbing with him the first night i was back which i thought he could have missed as he was out the two nights before too. Surely he should have been dying to see me rather than out with his mates if he is taking the relationship seriously?
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reader, anonymous, writes (21 October 2011): Personally, I think these are all red flags. Hiding pictures because he "knew you wouldn't like them," that's not only immature but manipulative. Kind of a "what you don't know is good for me" kind of thing. And yes, it is disrespectful.
My philosephy in dating and marriage is simple: If I know that my partner would not be okay with something, then I don't do it. This is both ways. I for a fact that if I was dancing "dirty" with a male friend, plutonic or not, my husband would be furious. Therefore, I expect the same behavior of him.
I don't think he is taking the relationship seriously and if you're wanting a serious and exculsive relationship, he may not be the one for you.
A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (21 October 2011):
 Your BF seems a bit immature and selfish. You on the other hand seem to overreact a little. Going out and taking pictures of people you are patying with is really no big deal, in my book( the HIDING the pictures are though and lying about it is a red flag too.. If he wants YOU to trust him, he has to be trustworthy, which means no lying.)
I think the whole micro managing your partner (who he can talk to, dance with, take pictures of, what he can and can not post..) is coming of as a bit insecure.
I think him goofing off with a friend and dancing "sexy" comes down to 1 thing, trust. He has already shown that he is a little immature, so I can totally see him thinking dancing "dirty" with a friend is no big deal. If the girl he danced with is a friend and friend only, I don't see the big deal either.
With that said... I would have expected he would take a night off from clubbing to be with you, after having been away for 2 weeks. Even if it only was 2 weeks apart.
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