A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:I just recently got into a relationship with this guy. I've had a thing for him a long time and he has too. so we decided to make it official. The problem is he is a bad boy. Half of my family doesn't even like him already, without even knowing him, because my closest cousin told them everything that he's about. He's in a gang, and he smokes. we're just a young couple, still in high school. but I don't want to put my life in danger. I really, really like him. its just something about him that just blows my mind, and he's finally mine. the problem is my uncle came to me the other day and told be to drop him, that he's no good and that he only wants you for one thing, and that he doesn't want to see him around me again. But my thing is I don't think its fair to judge someone when you barely know him. My boyfriend has never disrespected me, hurt me or anything.I just want to know, should I try to work things out, or just drop him? Should I hate my cousin for exposing him? please understand and reply with answers I really need to know.
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female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (26 May 2015):
 I agree with WiseOwlE this isn't about being dumb or not dumb. This is about using common sense (which MANY people at ANY age don't do when it comes to dating).
But consider this for your future, if your family who LOVES you warns you against a guy, maybe listen to them and consider what they say. They may or may NOT be right - but there usually is a reason why they warn you. And sometimes YOU can be a little to close to the person to see the big picture. That doesn't make you dumb. EVER.
We have gangs up here too, thankfully not at my kids schools, but there was SEVERAL gang-related deaths last year that claimed teenagers, not just guys but a few GF's who wasn't IN the gang.
And learning that you DO deserve better, is a lesson you can't learn too soon. (again, not about being dumb).
Good luck.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 May 2015): Sweetie, you're not dumb. You are really young and this is a learning experience for you. You were fascinated because you are so young and impressionable. Don't ever consider yourself dumb.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 May 2015): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI know this is a late Thank you. But thank yall, I guess I am just too young and too dumb to realize what I really deserve. I promise that when I read yall's comments I broke up with him. Thanks
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 May 2015): Oh, I forgot to tell you something. If he has jealous ex-girlfriends who are tougher than you, or don't like you; they will make your life hell! Girls who go for gang-members have to be tough. They might get their butts kicked! Angry gang members don't care if you're a girl; they'll beat both of you up, if he crosses the wrong people.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 May 2015): You should love your cousin for protecting you. For caring so much about you that he or she would risk your anger and resentment.
All you like about that boy is the fact that he's everything your family doesn't care for. They don't really need to know him, because what they do know is all bad! You think you're something special to him and he's misunderstood. He's nothing but a criminal, waiting for some catastrophe to drag you into. Your parents are going to end-up in a police station trying to pull your hard-headed little behind out of trouble, all because of some rotten kid! If you don't end up pregnant at 16!!!
He already has you turning against your own family!
You are caught-up in a fantasy romance; and you are very naive. You have now lost the trust of your parents; because you make bad choices. If they come down hard on you, it's for your own good. Now you're becoming trouble.
I will come right out and tell you that you are foolish, and may be putting not only yourself; but your family in danger. If he is in a gang, they create a lot of trouble, sell drugs, beat people up, and they retaliate over stupid things. They sometimes go after people their rivals care about, to get even for something done to them.
Let me tell you something young lady; if your boyfriend is in a gang, you are also considered in that gang. The police will not let you play the innocent little schoolgirl; if he is carrying drugs or weapons, and gets caught with you along. He might even ask you to hide things at your house.
If the police come looking for him, they will knock at your parent's door! They will watch you and him. They will make you tell them where he is, if he runs from the law. You could end-up in juvenile detention if you don't tell.
Listen to your uncle. They know all about him. You're too starry-eyed and caught up in your little fantasy puppy-love to see what you are compromising, being with a bad kid. He will have other gang members around your neighborhood looking for him. You could end up in the middle of a gang-fight, or someone could hurt you trying to get to him.
You are the kind of daughter parents and families lose a lot of sleep over. You don't listen, fall in-love with trash; and may end up pregnant, on drugs, or worse. Everything you think you see good in him, is all in your own imagination. Just a schoolgirl fascination with the rebel kid, nobody wants around. With good reason!!!
Your family is doing what they are doing; because they love you and want to protect you. They see him for what he is...TROUBLE!!! Your love is going in the wrong direction kiddo!!!
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (21 May 2015):
I think you family is looking out for you.
"Bad boys" are called that for a reason, they are NO GOOD. I know there are a LOT of (specially) young women who thinks that these "bad boys" will change FOR THEM because well loves does that, right? NO, not right.
He is IN a gang, THAT right there should be enough to warrant you to stay away. Being YOUNG is no excuse for making BAD life choices. Being IN a gang is SUCH a bad life choice.
YOU know he is NOT a good choice either. You know if you DATE a guy in a gang you CAN end up with a target painted on your pack, or even worse, being PART of this gang thing.
BE smart. You are NOT Juliet and he is NOT Romeo.
USE your common sense.
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