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age
41-50,
anonymous
writes: I’ve become intrigued by this term masculine energy, the more I read about it the more I feel it describes me to a T. I am having trouble attracting a partner and beginning to think that this could be why. At the same time I need my masculine energy as I am a single parent to a vulnerable child so my overall outlook on life is to be in control, but deep down I would not like to be like this but it is my way of survival, if I let it go my world will collapse so I don’t feel comfortable having to get rid of it. But having said that I have problems attracting a partner, I’m confused as I thought a confident woman was one of the most attractive qualities a man likes so what is the problem? Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (27 March 2013): You're contradicting yourself slightly OP. You say you want a companion but then you also say you want to be the one who is asked out. Why would it matter how you got that companion?
Which is it? The ego boost of being desired by lots of guys to the point where they'll ask you or do you want a companion to fit into this "I don't need no one" life of yours?
I'm sorry OP but you go to great lengths to make sure we know you don't need us guys. "I don't need no man" is not really what we go for. I know it sounds counter-intuitive because being needy is a huge turn off too, but you sound like have no vulnerability, no room in your life either and that can make you seem cold and unapproachable.
The easiest way is for you to do the initial work, get rid of "being approachable" by taking the first step towards making them feel comfortable with you, throw in a bit of flirting so they know you're interested and then let them take the reigns after that.
Look I understand that women feel cheated a lot of the time if they're not the one's being pursued and there's also the risk of getting a non-caring lazy guy because you did the initial work.
I guess I'll never get that need to be pursued because I feel a lot better doing the pursuing, I like the challenge, I like to win. I also think being approached is kind of cool, except the one down side which is I didn't choose them so rejecting them feels a bit bad.
You know it could just be as simple as you not knowing how to give signals to guys, you know obvious flirting, some touching, hair twisting, eye gazing, not teenage girl stuff but you get the idea. Learning how to flirt may be the best solution for you. Maybe guys are approaching you but you don't get any other signals other than them being friendly because you don't flirt and they don't either.
Either way just keep going, be out there, try changing little things about you act in public in scenarios where there are guys you may be interested in, nothing wrong with you smiling at a guy who makes eye contact across the room, one very little smile can open that door in lots of circumstances.
A
male
reader, CMMP  +, writes (27 March 2013):
My reply was written before I read yours.
Your competitive nature could be the problem, not your confidence. I would be turned off if I noticed how competitive you were as it would feel like you're going to always be trying to one up me. Since I'm not overly competitive, that would get old quick.
You may also be giving off a lesbian vibe. I know that may sound ridiculous, but it's possible, as men iften get the idea that lesbian are always trying to prove that they can be just as good as a man at things. Like the female cop that's always giving them tickets and a lecture. Or is that part just me?
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A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (27 March 2013):
I think that confidence is great, but it can be intimidating to many men.
Maybe you're just not putting yourself out there?
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reader, anonymous, writes (27 March 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI am very career orientated, working in a mainly male environment and love to compete with men and their egos, I have brothers who I compete with and I even compete with men on the machines at the gym. (I am not muscular) I have adopted the idea that I can do just as well as the next man, it’s like if a man offers to do something, a switch in my head shouts “no, I can do it!” I will be the first one to address things when I don’t feel are right in a polite manner without flattering my eyelashes. I fell that I am subtle in my thoughts as I am very self-aware of myself as being a lady, but I think it must be coming across either way.I do take care of myself, wax, and nails but not over the top such as extensions, fake eyelashes or 6 inch heels. I own my own home, look after my child on my own and don’t expect anyone else to do it, but I am just looking for a companion more than anything.Most guys I meet want to be my friend, and I never seem to get asked out, but only for ONS, I am mainly attracted to shy guys and find myself asking them out, but to be honest I am fed up with it and would love them to ask me out.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 March 2013): Don't change who you are, and don't stop being confident, competent and independent!!There are men who are weak and insecure and feel threatened by this. Such men will not be attracted to you, but you don't want them anyway. They are insecure and have a need to feel like they are the more competent and "put together" one in the relationship. They want women who they can feel superior to. You do not want these men anyway. Deep down inside they will patronize you and condescend to you ever so subtly.There are many men who appreciate and admire women who are confident, competent, and independent. Why? because it gives them freedom to enjoy an equal partnership rather than always having to be running around rescuing their partner. It means they can share the workload of daily life, not always have to pick up the pieces or get nagged to do work for their partner. now there is a difference between being confident and being arrogant. In fact, arrogance is born from insecurity not from confidence. Maybe you come off as sounding arrogant when you don't mean to? Or there is something else about your demeanor that is turning men off, e.g. do you ahve a sense of humor? are you a negative or positive person overall? do you criticize or complain a lot? stuff like that, which have nothing to do with how competent and confident you are but could still be turning people off.but I just want to repeat: being confident and in control of your life is NOT a bad thing, it is a good thing. Do not change this just to attract someone. maybe there are other things you need to change, but I don't think it should be this.
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reader, anonymous, writes (27 March 2013): In what way masculine OP? Like a lot of upper lip fuzz, deep voice and huge shoulders kind? Or a powerful, assured and fiercely independent woman?
OP sounds like a simple case of you not using this energy right. You're still treating dating like a woman, who expects to just attract a guy. I'm masculine OP, guess what masculine people do? That's right we don't attract shit, we purse what we're attracted to. Time to play to your strengths OP.
Alter your dating style to suit your energy OP. See a cute guy? Head right on over and talk to him, put the move on him.
I always think of women like you as lionesses, fierce, loyal, protective and down right awesome to date but why would I approach you and get my head bitten off when I can find easier prey? The dainty little princess who will more easily fall for my shit, you know? Lioness' don't sit around on their arses waiting for everything to be handed to them on a plate they go hunt and go get what they want OP because you can be sure as hell not many are going to approach them.
For the record OP vulnerability makes us feel powerful and needed, we love confidence but just not a woman who is bullet proof or too closed off. We like to have someone we can feel protective of too.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 March 2013): I haven't heard of masculine energy and thank god for that!!
.....sounds like a lot of women's magazine speak to me!! you don't need a label or a reason why your not meeting " strong men"...just need to look in different places....go girlfriend!
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