A
female
age
30-35,
*mgDoll
writes:This keeps me awake at night all the time and I can't go on feeling like this. I need some help... I don't want to make the wrong decision. I had a boyfriend for the last 6 months but recently I have started falling for someone else. I kissed this other guy two months when I was so drunk that I can't remember it even happening. Its just when I'm with the other guy its so different, he makes me laugh so hard that I can't breath and there has always chemistry between us. I have known him for a 5 or 6 years and I always kind of liked him but nothing ever happened because the I didn't see him too often and I always convinced myself he'd never go for me. We are very good friends and we share a lot of the same friends too.Recently I've moved to a Uni near him and I see him more than a used to. A few months ago I noticed that I hadn't imagined the chemistry that we always had. We were both at a beach party one night and I know this sounds really corny but when we were together I felt like there was electricity running through my veins. He made me feel excited and fresh again. I knew he wanted me as much as I wanted him, but I didn't leave anything else happen. I don't know if I was just caught under his charming spell, but I felt like I was floating on air. He knows I have a boyfriend and he understood that I didn't want to cheat on him. So we carried on as normal for a few weeks and then one night I was really drunk and we shared a kiss. I don't remember how it happened I was told by friends that it did. I've told my boyfriend what happened and I know he was crushed but he forgave me and he's is still with me. I hated myself for hurting him and I still can't believe that I cheated. I never ever thought I could do it to anybody. I told him because I didn't want there to be any secrets between us. And I do regret it. He told me that he loves me and I've said it back. I do love him but sometimes I don't truly know if I am in love. When we're just curled up together on the sofa or when we're making out or having sex, he makes me feel special and loved. He's such a nice guy and I know he'd do anything for me and he'd never do anything to hurt me. The only thing is he never shows any affection toward me when his friends are around, he might hold my hand at a push but very seldom. I know its probably a male pride thing and he doesn't want to show that he loves me around them, I don't expect him to be exactly the same as he is when were on our own, but an acknowledgment would be nice but I just feel ignored.. I only feel like I'm in love when we're on our own. That can't be true love can it?He is quite shy and I am his 1st serious girlfriend. I've had a few boyfriends when I was younger but nothing as serious as we are now. I just really don't know what to do, the butterflies I used to get at the start are gone even though I still love spending time with him. I just need to know how to get those butterflies back?I found out that the other guy has started seeing someone else. I'm not going to lie as say it doesn't bother me, but to be honest I am so jealous that it's scaring me. I want to be happy for him, because he deserves all the happiness in the world even if it's not with me. But I know when I see them together I'll still just think "that could be me". He isn't afraid to display affection and I'll be secretly dying inside when I how he treats her. I don't expect him to wait around for me either, but I can't help how I feel and I know I can't have it both ways. I never want to loose him as a friend either.I just wish things could be simple again and I wish these thoughts would get out of my head! Writing it all down makes me realize how stupid I sound, but I don't know what else to do.. All my friends are biased because they are friends with the "other guy" and they think we'd make a great couple. Plus they don't really like my boyfriend because he never makes an effort to talk to them or join in with the fun, whereas the "other guy" is the life and soul of every party.What do I do?I feel so depressed when I'm alone now, because all these thoughts are in my head.One more stupid mistake and I could loose everything. My boyfriend and a friendship.I just want to be happy again.Please help me...
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female
reader, OmgDoll +, writes (13 May 2010):
OmgDoll is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for your advice. I thought about it, and decided to stay with my boyfriend. He changed alot since I explained how I felt and we've never been better together. I've started to get to know his friends too and he acts normal around me when I'm hanging out with them now.As for the other guy, were still friends. We don't hang out like we used to do because it is perfectly clear that his new girlfriend hates me. I suppose I can't blame her, in her eyes I'll always be a threat. But from what I can see he is not really into her. He doesn't pay her much attention and she gets very jealous when he talks to any other girls. She's into that whole emo or goth style, black hair, clothes ect. So it might be just in her personality to act this way. Even all our mutual friends say that the spark is missing between them. I know deep down that he's not happy being with her. I can see it in his eyes when I talk to him.But for now I've made the right decision. I love my boyfriend too much to hurt him ever again.
A
female
reader, Entirely Unique  +, writes (22 March 2010):
 I would try to ignore all outside factors like your friends new girlfriend and hurting your boyfriend and just look deep into your feelings and work out what it is you truely want, what it is that will make you truely happy.
I would try talking to your boyfriend about his lack of acknowledgment of you when other people are around, he might not even realise he's doing it or he just might not be a public affection showing kind of bloke.
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