A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:hi i have been with my partner since i was 15 im now 18 and have a 1 year old child with him but alot of the time i feel like i dont love him anymore and i look at all my old friends and they are either at collage or university doing what they want and having fun and i just fell like i want to do that i feel like i have never lived or got to do what i want i am so lonely now i have no friends no more and me and my partner just seem to argue is it selfish for me to want to go out n have fun like all the other people my age ? thanks
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female
reader, eyeswideopen  +, writes (13 October 2009):
 Maybe if she was busy helping the sweet young things pondering pregnancy she wouldn't miss being out and about with her friends. Besides who the hell died and made you the king of DC? Your censorship is unwarranted and unwanted. You give your answers and I'll give mine.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 October 2009): Eyeswideopen, how is "You need to become an aunt on this site and answer all the sweet young things who Uncle Phil just described. Maybe you can talk some sense into them, we sure can't most of the time" an answer to "Is it wrong to want to go out and have fun like my friends do?"
Seems to me like you agree with Uncle Phils blatant attack on her and your post implies that "her stupidity" would be a useful lesson to other teens who want to have babies, where in her post did she say she had a choice or that this baby was planned? Or mention anything about how she became pregnant in the first place? Uncle Phil made dangerous assumptions for all we know the baby could be a product of rape and you reinforce his opinion that she's an idiot that deserves what she gets? How do you consider that advice?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 October 2009): No it isn't selfish or wrong, it's normal to want to hang out like your friends do! XX
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (13 October 2009):
Hey wait a minute, I truly think she should become an aunt on this site. Cerberus, this whole "moral superiority" thing you've got going on is a double-edged sword don't you think?
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A
female
reader, celtic_tiger +, writes (13 October 2009):
 I think the others have pretty much summed it all up.
You have made a choice in your life, and now you have to get on with it. We do see so many underage and teenage girls who think they are so grown up and "mature" enough to deal with the sex, the boyfriend, the relationships, and sadly also teenagers who crave babies. They truely believe their boyfriend at 15, will be with them forever and forget that people change and grow up. They think having a baby will complete their lives and give them a freedom that their parents dont give to them...because somehow it will magically make them "adults".
You chose to have a relationship and have a baby. Your friends decided to continue with school, go to uni and continue to party. You can be jealous all you want, but it was YOUR choice. No one forced you.
Well the fact is, being an adult isnt all its cracked up to be. I am only 10 years older than you, I am single, I work all hours and I have no social life because I am working towards building my career. Do I get upset when I see people my own age and younger getting married, having children and forming what appear to be "perfect" relationships? Yes I do, but I know that I am building foundations for the rest of my life. I may be missing out on the social side now, but I know that I will be in a better place in a few years time, when I have a secure job, and I can build a family on more than just fresh air. I also dont have the prospect of being divorced or a single mum before Im 30.
Being an Adult is about making choices, and making sacrifices. Right or wrong, you have to deal with the choices YOU make.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 October 2009): Wanna piece of advice Op? Ignore Uncle Phil, normally he gives great advice, but for some reason his response to you is beyond recourse as he took this as an opprotunity to make sure you know how stupid he thinks you are and how much better than you he is. "You f****d up big time early on in life and now you're suffering because of your own stupidity".
I've seen new posters that don't understand that this is a HELP SITE, not a fucking site to air your moral views on something (there's an articles section for that) especially using details that are non existant in the original question.
"I wonder if you were ever told that you'd regret getting pregnant so early in life?
This sorry tale should be a wake-up call to any young teenager feeling hormonal and broody who doesn't think she's too young to become a mother because she's 'mature for her age'."
Uncle Phil where the hell in her post did she explain the circumstances of her getting pregnant? She didn't, you have no idea the circumstances at all, yet you judge her and patronize her by insinuating she is a broody, hormonal teenager, who the hell are you to talk to someone looking for help like that?
"even though at the time you no doubt thought it was a brilliant thing" Where the fuck did you pull that one out of Uncle Phil huh? Where in her post gives you that impression? If you have such a huge problem with a need to punish young mothers, then I suggest you just ignore those type of questions and move on to questions where you can help people and not make them feel like shit for something which you have no clue about.
"I'm sorry to say I don't have any words of comfort for you my darling"
THEN WHY FUCKING POST? Have you suddenly forgotten the purpose of this site?
Now I apologise to the other users on this site normally I would send this kind of thing as a message but I think Op should see that there's nothing wrong her and that she shouldn't listen the bitter, vitriolic attack from a person who really should know better.
eyeswideopen
Perhaps you should post an answer to her question instead of reinforcing a needless example of someone who obviously feels to need to demstrate their moral superiority.
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male
reader, LazyGuy  +, writes (13 October 2009):
 2 years ago you made a choice. If you had asked, everyone would have told you to avoid getting pregnant at all costs and not to get overly committed to a relationship at your age.
But you did get pregnant probably unwilling to accept that one day soon you would wish you weren't lumbered with either a baby or a bf.
What do you want to do about it? Babysitters can give you a little bit of help but frankly, your a mom and mom's don't get to party all weekend. Partying all weekend is what leads to mom's.
I don't really have advice for you, just going to use you as a warning note the next time a teen girl come along claiming how she is ready to be a parent.
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (13 October 2009):
You need to become an aunt on this site and answer all the sweet young things who Uncle Phil just described. Maybe you can talk some sense into them, we sure can't most of the time.
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reader, anonymous, writes (13 October 2009): I wonder if you were ever told that you'd regret getting pregnant so early in life?
This sorry tale should be a wake-up call to any young teenager feeling hormonal and broody who doesn't think she's too young to become a mother because she's 'mature for her age'.
I'm sorry to say I don't have any words of comfort for you my darling. You f****d up big time early on in life and now you're suffering because of your own stupidity, even though at the time you no doubt thought it was a brilliant thing to be happening to you and the boy you thought you'd spend the rest of your life with because you were hopelessly in love with each other.
Whatever happens between you and the boyfriend now is eclipsed by the responsibility you now have to your child. However you look at it, you're not likely to be able to go out and have fun with your mates until you're about 30 years of age, and you'll just have to make the most of it in the meantime. Sorry - but that's the way of it.
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reader, anonymous, writes (13 October 2009): Of course not, it's very normal for you to feel that way and would actually benefit you and your child if you looked into letting your hair down a bit more.
Of course raising your child comes first, but it can't be the only thing you do, I'm in college at the moment and there are plenty of mothers in college, there are even single mothers with no supportive partners doing it alone. There are lots of ways of fitting things around raising a child.
There is no reason you can't do all things you want to, as long as you properly balance those things with raising your child. Any Mom will tell you that your happiness is very important too, babies absorb every emotion and feeling from their parents, if they're parents are down then they are too.
I'm not an expert on kids, I'm sure the mothers here will be able to tell you this, but I'm pretty sure theres an age that makes it much easier to spend time apart (during the day/night) from your kid to pursue your wishes, I mean one of the mothers I'm friends with, waited until her little one began school at age 4 before she went back to college.
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