A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Just to start things off, my best friend went out with a girl for 2 years before coming to university. They broke it off in the first week of university. He then started going out with another girl, and they were going off and on for a year before tragedy struck. My best friend took his own life in march this year, without reason and without telling anyone. This completely floored me, and its thrown my brain into haywire. The girl who he used to go out with, I was the first person to tell her what happened. We have talked pretty much daily since, for hours sometimes at a time. I feel like I am abusing our friendship by having feelings for her. She is beautiful, funny, caring - and we have so much in common, I don't feel like I have ever met anyone like her. It is eating me up inside just to know that maybe I will never be able to tell her. I'm completely devastated by everything, to have this hanging over me. I've tried to forget the whole thing, but it keeps eating away. What can I do? Is it wrong to have fallen for her? Should I just forget it?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (6 September 2008): just some more info, to help you guys understand my situation. i live about 3 hours train ride away from her, although we talk daily on the phone, or via text or on msn, she has told me that she was going to marry him one day, even though they had broken up. she isn't over him, i know that. yet i still cannot stop thinking about her. im scared to tell her, because i don't want to ruin our friendship. she is moving away to university this month, and will be even further away than now. i don't want to tell her, should i just wait? or should i forget about it and just be her friend?
A
female
reader, Emilysanswers +, writes (6 September 2008):
It's really common.
I am and army wife so I know a little bit (from others) about being a widow and it's really common for his friends to come on to you. It's some kind of pack instinct thing.
Plus a vulnerable woman always evokes powerful feelings in guys.
However, I think the fact you 2 have spend so much time together gives your feelings more meaning than that.
She may have feelings for you and may be feeling just as scared because she feels like she's cheating on her boyfriend by doing this.
Leave it as long as you can before telling her how you feel, and then just tell her that you can't stop thinking about her even though you know it is wrong.
It's always a risk but I think you need to give this a chance.
Good Luck!! xx
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A
female
reader, SugarCookie  +, writes (6 September 2008):
It is normal to fall for her. You two bonded over a tragedy. You two were there for eachother in a moment of great sadness. Its completely normal to fall for that person that has helped you. I think you should see were she stands on her feelings for you. What would make your friend happier than to see two people who he thought were good people find eachother and happiness. Give it a chance.
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