A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I am dating a widower (a former ex-boyfriend who got a stripper pregnant and married her while we were taking a break from dating)now for two years. It has been a long-distance thing. I am an actor who needs to be either in LA or NYC to make a decent living in this profession. He is a talented, but struggling musician living in Florida. He says he loves me, and keeps wanting me to come see him, but he says he can't move becasue he doesnt' want to move his daughter out of school. He can do what he does for a living here,(he's extremely talented with several professional tours under his belt, has good connections, and also teaches music) and make twice as much (teaching pays twice as much here as it does in Florida), however his father is paying for his daughter to go to private school, so he lays a guilt trip on me that he can't move here because of her. Am I wrong to think he should be raising her and not his father? And is it wrong for me to completely give up on my career and move back to a state that has no opportunities for me so she won't be an inconvenienced eight-year-old who doesn't have to pay the rent? I have offered to help him find work here before making such a drastic move. I broke up with him in January right before I moved from New York to LA, and he started calling a month later, and now we're back to this gray area of him telling me he misses me and loves me, but that he has to put his daughter's school above his career and our relationship. What should I do?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 June 2008): Well I guess I can answer this as I just went through it---my guy wanted me to move to the midwest for his job and I live in a thriving city on the west coast. Great friends, career, everything! I told him no, that I couldn't at this time and he went balistic!! He felt it was a rejection and doesn't want anything to do with me. Now that I have been through this experience, I can advise---if you love him so much that you can't live without him, then go. It is only a job and if being with him makes you happier than your career than I would go be with him. It is now too late for me as I have decided to stay at my job and now realize that I am happy with him in my life---not without and no job matters as much as he does to me.
Good Luck.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 June 2008): Well I personally don't see why the hesitation on his part really. I agree with you in that I would rather live in ny or la and he probably could do alot better in his career in either of those places.
But for whatever reason he just doesn't want to. Maybe he doesn't want to uproot from everything him and his daughter know just so that he can be near you. Perhaps he thinks its selfish. You have just got to respect how he feels. If he felt it was in BOTH their best interest to move then I am sure he would. But he sees it as only being in HIS interest to move so he doesn't want to do that to his daughter.And if that's the case, then I think he is thinking rationally and being a good father. He is putting his daughter's needs first and foremost and that's respectable.
As for you moving to Florida to be near him, I think is ridiculous. What for? You have your career going for you, there are PLENTY of cool guys with their sh*t going for them in ny or la. Why all the fuss about this one guy who lives 3,000 miles away from you anyway? I would just stay where you are, let him do his own thing, and try to move on. You are bound to meet someone who might be even better than this guy and who lives close by. I think you are wasting precious time dwelling on this guy...
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