A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I am a 30 year single mum of 4, over 3 years ago I split with a violent ex. I met a fantastic man last year, he was a few years younger and didnt have children of his own. we met online and we chatted for 8 wks sometimes we were up all night. he new about my children and past and he still decided to make ago of things. he is still at uni. we spent 6mths together he stayed at my house 5 days out of 7, and we were so madly in love, he always told me i was gorgeous and made me feel special. we never argued and alway laughed. he bonded fantasticly with the children and encouraged them with their eduation. he has been worried about telling mum about me, but last tuesday he did, well come thursday he finished me i am so upset, he gave loads of excuses one being he didnt love, then he changed it to he cant bring up someone elses kids. but the night we finished me he stayed we cried it was awlful i told him to just go and leave me alone although i didnt mean it, but he refused he wanted me to confirm i will always be his friend(bestfriends) he came over and rang me all the way til wednesday crying telling he loved me and kissed me and held me and he wanted to be in my life forever. but on the wednesday night i lost it when he was trying to go coz the whole time he was here his mum rang him i stopped him from going like the idiot i am. since then he has ignored me, switch off his phone so i tried the landline his mum was bluntly rude. then on friday he changed his relationship status on face book and hours later he deleted me, i was so hurt so i went to his house, his mother opened the door and i asked to speak to him, she said dont you understand its over then she fetched him down, then he told me he didnt love me and wanted me out of his life forever, he looked drained and tired and in pain, he then went away and his mum spoke down at me and made me feel small and worthless stating that he has wanted to finish it for months and that he only came over so much after ending coz he felt sorry for me. is it normal to tell someone how u love them after finishing a relationship, this hurts so much more so now as he said he didnt love me or want to be friends in front of his mother, I'm so confused. Is it worth holding out and hope maybe he didn't mean it, and that he will find the strength to stand up to his mother.
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female
reader, mothermother +, writes (28 January 2009):
he has contacted me via email, asking to be friends and saying he cares
A
female
reader, Miss_Stone  +, writes (26 January 2009):
He sounds younger than you, and I don't just mean in age, I mean in maturity. It sounds like he's still dependent very much on his mother, and that's a red flag right there.
For him to break up with you, then ring you crying, professing his love - then ignoring you and deleting you from facebook, and humiliating you in front of the mother - it sounds like something out of high school. You've got your answer right there, hon - he wants out, but he's too emotionally immature to do it the right way.
It sounds like he came along in a period of your life when you needed support and a man's appreciation, especially after a violent relationship. He made you feel like a beautiful woman, special, wanted. Of course it's natural to fall in love so hard.
But you've got to think about yourself and your kids now. Try to reconcile yourself to the fact that it was great while it lasted, and hold on to the good memories, but honestly - move on. This man doesn't sound strong enough to be in your life, or to be the father of your children.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 January 2009): It sounds as though he is henpecked by a nagging mother, ouch! I don't think it is worth it to hope he changes his mind after he humiliated you in this manner and told you he never loved you. Would you be able to forgive that he said he hasn't left earlier because he pitied you? I assure you that it is not true. If he pitied you then he wouldn't have come now with such hurtful comments, he would be milder in his manner. But he can't be solid in his viewpoints because he allows his mother to dictate the rules and even if he escapes such influence you can never be sure that it's more than temporarily. So I suggest that you take this man off your recent memory and pamper yourself, play with your lovely children and don't for a second doubt there are better times ahead of you. There are men who have the magnanimity to look after children that are not of their own and to treat you as you rightfully deserve. This incident has left you with a bitter taste but this too shall pass if only you have trust. Best wishes.
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