A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I fell deeply in love with a woman last year, but I've never confessed this, since she's already married. She's just one of the loveliest people I've ever had the honor of knowing. Inside and out, she's so beautiful - she has the most wonderful heart and such a brilliant mind. I'm absolutely enamored of her even though I know she will probably never be mine to have and hold. But, during this last year and a half of admiring her from afar, there have been definite reasons for me to hold on to hope about some kind of close relationship forming between us, be it intimate or not. When we're together, especially when it's the two of us, the kind of affinity exists where the sheer magnetism of each others' presence sends through both of us a wave of undisguised passion. When our two souls meet, it is an intoxicating, soul-stirring event. I often wonder what those sitting around us and possibly observing us think of our interactions, whether we appear to them two people so rapt and moonstruck by each other, as we are. Each and every moment we've spent together since we met last year has been filled with unmistakable impressions that she fancies me too. All the time, I catch her staring at me when I'm not looking. Even when someone else is speaking, she'll gaze at me, seemingly in adoration. There's always a smile on her face when we interact, and, more recently, she's begun to turn red in the cheeks when I do much of anything - talk, smile at her. She blushes especially quickly when I laugh. Sometimes, looking at me straight in the eye is too much for her, so she opts to look at my shoulder, my neck, or some other close by body part instead (to keep herself from smiling uncontrollably). She will sometimes bite her lip at the end of her sentences, or lick her lips while I'm speaking to her. On a few occasions, she's spoken to me in a low, honeyed voice of a seductress while fluttering her eyelashes. So, there is clear evidence of heavy flirtation.On account of all this, I've always felt that we have some potential as some kind of couple - romantic or non-romantic. Intuitively, we get each other, and we know each other well. And we both seem to be aware of this intense connection we have. But acting on these feelings, these strong emotions, would be difficult for the both of us - circumstantially. As I've stated before, she's married already, to a man I've never met, but who I know has been around for a long while. But, even though they seem to have been going steady for quite some time, I question whether this is a configuration that still brings her joy, excitement, fulfillment, passion...all the other requisites for a happy marriage. In short, I wonder why, if she were to be content in her marrige, that she would even look the other way to someone like me at all. I strongly sense she is dissatisfied with her partnership, but I don't know her well enough to know whether she would leave him. So, what does this mean for her and me, I wonder? I'm never sure whether it's wise to keep hoping something would occur between us, some bond-cementing experience, or whether I should give up on her and hope to find someone as perfect for me as she seems to be. Both are harrowingly painful options.How do I deal with this?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 September 2009): I used to like this guy I worked with. Being objective he ticked all the boxes and I just felt gutted I had not met him earlier "What could have been..." type questions in my head. You know what though, he was married and I thought to myself who am I to be so arrogant to think he should leave his wife for me! He's perfectly happy and she obviously loves him - in my eyes who wouldn't. It is one of those tests in life when you think that there is chemistry, they are amazing but they are simply not available. Leave it alone and move on.
A
female
reader, eyeswideopen  +, writes (16 September 2009):
 Are you truly a female? Just curious.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 September 2009): You are probably not going to like this answer, but here goes!
You need to leave her alone. Simple fact is she is married to someone else - how would you feel if you were married to her and some other guy was fantasising about her leaving you?? If you know much about affairs - they can be physical or emotional only - or both...often the cheating spouse is looking for something - some attention, to feel excited or wanted again etc. which obviously you are providing, who doesn't like the idea of having someone completly smitten by them?...if your gal has been with her hubby for a long time chances are some of that "spark" has gone (after 18months or so that real primal attraction stuff starts to fade) - but that doesn't necessarily diminish the love she has for him - you should not presume things about her relationship.
My point is - these things RARELY end happily. Even if your dreamgirl did get it on with you - which would potentially devastate her husband and family AND her too, the chances she will end up with you are very slim...you'll probably be the one to end up brokenhearted - and alone.
If I were you - I would create some space between you and this girl, chill this whole flirt fest down - she's not available, you should look to move on.
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