A
male
age
41-50,
*oki
writes:Hi,There are two parts to this question, but they are really both of the same question:1) I have been friends with a girl for about a year. We started off as casual acquaintances, then got closer. She says I am a dear friend to her. She is not dating anyone but made it clear that I am like a "brother" to her. But for me, as we got closer, I developed feelings for her. I get jealous when she says another guy is cute or when I know she is going on a date. I just cannot help it, I cannot shut off my feelings. I want to hold her hand, kiss her and I envision a future for us together.We have not explicitly talked about it because I know how she feels (because of the "brother" and "dear friend" comment). I have begun to avoid her because it is too painful to meet. Of course I want to see her and be with her. But I feel horribly guilty. She genuinely wants to be friends and I am hurting her by avoiding her now because I want more.Is there some way for me to go back to being friends to save this friendship? Is it selfish of me to want more when she genuinely wants friendship? 2) Also, although she clearly sees me as a friend, she does things which sometimes cross the line and make things difficult. She touches my arm affectionately, dresses up nicely when we meet, and sometimes whispers comments or questions in my ear very closely in the movie theater. Is this innocent? Does she know what she is doing to me? Or is she playing games with me too?Thank you Agony Aunts for all your help!!!
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (4 November 2010): Don't worry !She will love you,for your dillegence!
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 November 2010): I completely agree with romany's answer. This is exactly what I would want one of my male friends to do if he had developed feelings for me. I have been in this situation once, and while I was sad that we wouldn't be able to continue being as close as we once were, I really respected his honesty and still feel like he is one of my closest friends. We simply didn't see each other as frequently for a while, but then we both started other relationships and now we can casually spend time together again.
Relationships never quite end, they simply change. Time is a savior in situations like these. Don't worry and be honest!
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (4 November 2010): hi,just open up and to tell her'the kind u v'e for her,believe me she will understand...try it.
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A
female
reader, No watered down advice here! +, writes (4 November 2010):
 I'm at a point in my life where is imperative, that I stay focused. And I don't date, right now. I have met some very nice men,however I know when the the mind is made up but the heart has it's own plans,#KEMISTRY that no matter what "I" say say the heart will OVER-RULE, my decision when the right person come alone. She can say all day you're like a "BROTHER" to her but if it's meant to be it will be. With that being said, I know I didn't "HEAR" what I thought I heard, now did I?Are, you're going to allow yourself to go there.? To take a whisper, in a MOVIE THEATER as a sign? I mean it's common courtesy, to speak at your lowest voice possible, when in a theater, She's a wonderfully respectful,person I can see one of the reasons you're attracted, but don't read into something because you want to find a place in her heart! Just enjoy the spot in have in her life, before she push the EJECT button! It's been known to happen with people like you who like to read into little simple acts of kindness as signs of "LOVE" No Watered Advice Here!!!
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A
female
reader, romany  +, writes (4 November 2010):
 First off, your not being selfish, you developed feelings, that is something that you had no control over, but you do have control of seeing her, you need to tell her that you've developed these feelings and you know how she feels about you, only wanting friendship etc, so you feel that you can not hang with her until these feelings have subsided. That way your putting the ball in her court to make the decision on whether she want to persue things on a different level or not.
I suspect she already knows, as she is flirting a little, and that is only something girls do when they are comfortable with someone.
You have nothing to lose by telling her, you can't be her friend with these feelings without it messing up your head, and you can't be away from her thinking, 'what ifs' and 'I wonders' at least by telling her, you'll be able to move forward in one way or another.
Good luck,
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