A
female
age
36-40,
*enL
writes:Hello,So my boyfriend and I had been on-and-of together for more than 2 years but I was never able to reach an orgasm. Not sure if it is because some women are just hard to get one or it is my problem. We don't see each other as often as we want since I moved away for school but I tried to go back every break. My friends said it could be because we aren't having sex constantly that's why it is hard for me to come; I'm just not sure about that. I have no problem reaching orgasm if I masturbate with a vibrator/dildo/with hand. Just no luck with my boyfriend. I feel bad telling him that and am sort of concerned that I had hurt his feeling/pride. The other day was the first time I masturbated with him lying next to me. He closed his eyes as if he was resting but I'm sure he knows what I was doing, because I was holding his hand. My question is, was that disrespectful/rude on my part?Thanks in advance for your input!
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female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (25 August 2013):
 Is it rude? No, but you are shooting yourself in the foot by not letting him know that YOU can't come unless your are stimulated by touching your clitoris. He will think he is making sweet sweet love to you, yet you are not satisfied. Which makes him a not so great lover, HELP him get better.
You don't HAVE to tell him, hey you don't make me come during sex, but you CAN tell him, you know what really makes me tick? Since you had no problem holding his hand while masturbation you should have no problem SHOWING him what sets you on fire.
Show him, teach him. In the end you will BOTH benefit a lot from this.
A
female
reader, Aunty Babbit  +, writes (25 August 2013):
 I don't think it's rude or disrespectful, it's just a shame that your boyfriend wasn't awake.
You know that you can achieve an orgasm and that's great.
You know that it's not happening with your guy.
No-one knows what turns you on better than you. By masturbating in front of him, he can learn how you like to be touched and where. He might even find it a massive turn on.
Women are made the same physically but sex is a very emotional thing for us and what works for one gal won't be what works for another.
It certainly doesn't hurt for him to masturbate in front of you either so that you can see how he prefers to be touched.
Sex is a the most intimate thing two people can do and masturbation is not wrong, sinful or damaging to your eyesight.
If you and guy both relax, indulge in lots of foreplay and get to learn about each others bodies, I'm certain he can bring you to orgasm.
AB x
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A
female
reader, Euphoric29  +, writes (24 August 2013):
Dear OP,
If you can come from masturbation, but not with your boyfriend.. you both are having a technical problem. Your body is fine, though.
I can't come during sex unless I or my partner is stimulating my clit at the same time. Penetration feels really nice but won't make me come. Ever. I'm also more likely to come if there's foreplay and oral sex. If it's getting too fast to the point I won't have an orgasm. Maybe you can just ask to try out a few new things in the bedroom, without making it look like you're unhappy with his performance. Then make him compliments for everything he does that feels good for you. But don't fake orgasms, or he will never know how to really please you. And that's sad for the both of you.
Personally, I don't find anything bad about you masturbating next to him, but maybe the whole situation was a bit awkward for him, or else he wouldn't have pretended to sleep.. maybe next time you can involve him..?
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A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (24 August 2013):
If my wife was masturbating next to me I'd be into it, but she's able to cum from sex so it may be different.
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A
female
reader, person12345 +, writes (24 August 2013):
 How did he react when you were done? A lot of women have trouble reaching orgasm with a partner, you aren't weird or broken. Even fewer (around 25%) have an orgasm from penetration. Have you ever tried having him use your vibrator on you, or using your vibrator during sex? Positions like spooning, doggie, girl on top, allow easy access with either a vibrator or your hand. If you have an easy time with your own hands there is nothing wrong at all with using your hands while you're on top, in fact most guys would find it a definite bonus.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (24 August 2013): I have never been able to give my wife of 12 years an orgasm. I don't know if it's my problem or hers. But 2 years ago we moved to a free country and I bought her a vibrator. Now she can experience orgasms and I'm happy for her. The problem is, she keeps apologizing to me for using the vibrator! I don't understand why some women feel guilty about masturbating. It's not cheating you know.
You are entitled to sexual pleasure as much as other people are. But it would be better if you told him what was going on. It feels a bit awkward to have your girlfriend on your side and notice she is touching herself silently. Let him know to avoid confusions.
One last thing: He may be totally OK with you masturbating but it doesn't necessarily mean he likes to watch. I watched once and I liked it but I prefer not to watch again. I prefer that my wife do her business in private.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 August 2013): Not at all, in my opinion, I think guys actually love to watch their partners masturbate, it's quite erotic!
Perhaps you could include him somehow in your self service!!
In my experience it's almost impossible to have an orgasm through intercourse alone!
I personally don't think it's rude, but maybe if you include him, that would make him happy!
Have fun!
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