A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Dear Aunts,Is it right if your boyfriend ask you to go against your parents?I've been in a relationship for a year now with a guy whom I met online. We started it off with friendship, we haven't met in person. I like him very much, he's a nice guy and he's so open up. He told me about his rough childhood and I can tell that he's so lonely at heart. It didn't take too long for me to start falling in love with him a few weeks after we started talking. He used to tell me that he really wanted to come visit me. The fact is, yes, we live a world apart. I thought it was a great idea. But I didn't know all at sudden he changed his mind instead he asked me to come visit him. He said that he was serious about me and he really wanted to marry me. But then another problem is, my parents are against us. I told him there's no way I could go visit him because my parents are so strict, they don't even like seeing me dating a guy from a completely different nationality and language. Things get complicated, because I realized that in some things my parents are being too old fashioned. I'm 24 years old yet they treat me like a 4 years old girl. They started controlling me ever since they knew the idea of me coming to visit my boyfriend. Knowing this, my boyfriend told me that I should be the one who makes decision for my life, not them. I felt it somehow right, but I don't want my decision hurts my parents either. If I choose my parents, I'll definitely hurt my boyfriend, and I'll never forgive my self for ever doing that, yet if I choose to leave my parents and come be with my boyfriend, I'll hurt my parents. There is no easy way out, no matter what I do somebody gets hurt. I can't describe how this is affecting my life. I was once living a dream of us being together now I don't see if there's a chance to ever make it happen. The fact that my parents want me to be with those guys from our clan really hurts me. And it leaves me living a hurtful life where I have to do what they want me to, eventhough it's my own life. What should I do?? Am I being misled by my feeling toward my boyfriend, or is it my parents being too strict on me??
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female
reader, petina1  +, writes (16 January 2011):
 Looking into another scenario in the future, what if.... you meet , y ou fall in love, ,then you go back home, How are you going to fund this relationship?
A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 January 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionDear tennisstar,
Yes, we have talked about the airplane fare, ticket, and the whole thing before, and he is ready to pay for that. I haven't issued my passport yet, as I never had any trip abroad. He asked me several times to issue my passport, but I was too hesitance since my parents are against me if I ever attempt to just make the first step coming to be with him. I know he is the man and he should be the one coming to me. But I know it will take a lot of $ to do so. I'm stuck now. He said so many times, if I can't come be with him then we will never be together.
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A
female
reader, tennisstar88  +, writes (16 January 2011):
 Hmm, do you have the $ to go to him? I would think if he's asking you to come to him and visit, the polite thing to do would be to pay for your trip if not half. Is the only thing holding you back your parents?
It's totally up to you if you want to board a plane, train and go to him. Just be fully aware of the risks.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 January 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionDear tennisstar and petinal,
Thanks again for the insights and advice.
I've seen him in webcam, yes. Actually I've been thinking about any possibility of him coming to see me. But whenever I bring it up or try to talk about it with him, he never seems to understand that the whole problem I can't come is because my parents are aware of him. And I think it'll be great if he comes to see me first. But he said, it'll cost him alot of money to come, stay here for a while and then coming back to his country. I start to think that he just wanted to take the easy way out which is unlikely easy for me.
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A
female
reader, tennisstar88 +, writes (15 January 2011):
It's actually a little bit of both. You're a 24 year old woman who can make her own decisions in life..however, you still live under your parents's roof so you must abide by their rules. You also have to understand that they are looking out for your best interest and see the potential dangers in this situation.
You have never met this man, you have no idea if he's who he says he is. Have you seen him on webcam? Why do you want to marry him when you really don't know him at all..all you have to go is what he tells you. Also, in order to get married you're going to have to go through the process of getting a visa, and that can take quite a while. The only way you really get to know someone is to be physically around them, thus making your own judgements.
But curiosity is still killing the cat, you want to meet him. The safest way to go about that, is if he came to visit you on your turf. If he doesn't and still insists you come to him (when he should be the one chasing you) then I say something is off about him. Play this safe.
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A
female
reader, petina1 +, writes (15 January 2011):
What if you just went to meet this guy. Who youve never met before, then it all goes flat on it's face. Then you have to go back home and face your parents? Think about that for a minute. Your parents love you, they raised you, they care about you and are worried, they know what the dangers are out there. You will be making a big mistake going over to this guy. If you really can't be without each other, tell him to come to you. Is he working, can he afford the airfare. If he is really serious about y ou then he must be a man and come to you, meet your parents and show them he can make y ou happy. On the other hand, I am so wary of these kind of relationships, they are never what they seem and I would be very suprised if you ever get together and find your true love.
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