A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My husband is not the man I met four years ago. I think he started hanging out with single people and he do things single people do. I'm not going to bore you with every bad thing in our marriage. My biggies concern is why do he always find times for his friends and not me and the kids. My son told him we was going to the water park but his excuse was he had to work , come to find out he was over his friends house I'm tried and I can't keep putting my kids through this with his lies.
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female
reader, Thatgirllol +, writes (24 August 2016):
 I think you should tell your husband how you feel about it, just sit down and ask him 'why don't you spend time with me and the kids?' But don't seem angry, just ask him softly. I'm sure everything will work out the way it should. So good luck:)
A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 August 2016): Sounds like he's heading for a mid-life crisis, and wishes he could do the things his single friends do. They are no doubt influencing his behavior, and it is likely they are up to no good. If he's into gaming and such, that is habit-forming; and he knows you will not stand for a that all day. He's also trying to get away from the kids. If it's sports and drinking beer all day, he may just need a little man-time. Most single folk have the latest tech gadgets, and he may be enjoying some flat-screen TV without having to watch kiddie shows all weekend.
You've got to sit down and have a real talk about how things are going; and how his running-off and lying to the kids is affecting the family as a whole. He's a husband and a father and those duties are 24/7; with some "me-time" squeezed in for sanity. He has to have time away, but when the kids start noticing he's brushing them off, you've got a serious problem. You shouldn't react in-front of the children. Handle your marital issues strictly between you and your husband. It is very bad to show your anger for something your husband is doing in-front of the children. They don't interpret your anger with him the way you think they do. They start to think they're causing the rift between you. Remember that. You are aware, but when you're angry or upset, you don't really care.
It's not that he prefers to be with single people. He misses the good old days when you didn't have to worry about bills, mortgage payments, and getting off to work everyday. The single-folk make life seem like party-time; because they have no family responsibilities. He's getting carried-away and it's time to snap him back to reality. He's starting to neglect the family.
Now not hearing both sides of the story, and leaving out many details often paints a one-sided picture. You don't say anything about the type of work he does, how many hours he has to put in, if every moment he's in the house there's a honey-do list. Men will run if that's what we have to face every spare moment of our time. If you need time from the kids, maybe you need to allow them to stay with their grandparents; or setup play-dates with their friends. It's summer and school's out; so they do want to enjoy some family activities before returning to school. We don't know how much of the post is embellished to make your point; so we have to see more than one side of things here.
A good talk usually works things out. Not a screaming match or nagging. You need his attention and you need to know what's going on in his head. So it has to be a calm discussion when the kids are out of the house. They shouldn't be listening to you giving him a tough time. He's not one of the kids, he's dad. You both should address each other as equals and discussions have to be in serious respectful tone, but go both ways. Not you laying down the law and giving a list of complaints. He's running from something, don't let that be you. If the home environment is chaos, you two are going to have to get things in order.
Work-out a scheduled for family-time and insist he stick to it. Let him know it is so serious you would consider family counseling, and mean it. If you find yourself nagging and whining a lot, that drives husbands and fathers out of the house. That and screaming unruly kids. Keep all this in mind. Don't blame everything on single people. Look at it from every angle and be fair. If coming home is nagging, screaming, and whining; he's looking for some peace and quiet. Your concerns about your family and your marriage are always reasonable. It's how problems are discussed and how you compromise that keeps the machine running well.
You also have to be sure you both back each other up when getting the kids to behave. They can get a little rambunctious and out of hand; because they're kids. They are supposed to; but they also have to know when to tone it down, so the adults in the house can keep their sanity.
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