A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I've been dating a girl for some time now and I can fairly say that I love her.I've known her for more than 6 years now, but we started dating only recently. We used to be very good friends back in high school and I had a crush on her. I'm 100% certain she knew it but didn't want me back or she was expecting me to make a move which I didn't (I had no balls back then).In the last year of HS she started dating who was my best friend at the time, which made me quite jealous, but I was after another girl so it wasn't so bad.When we started college, we lost all contact. I still was friends with her boyfriend, so the only news I had about her were secondhand. Two years later he told me that things were going bad in their relationship and eventually he broke up with her.Not much happened until I met her again, through another friend in common. She gave me her number, I asked her on a date, and we started going out and stuff.But here's the problem:During all of our relationship the only thing I've been certain about is that she doesn't appreciate me as much as I appreciate her. And this is not just a "gut feeling".I mean, she does like me and all but not nearly as much as I like her, and I don't know why this is. If it wasn't her, and she was another random girl, I would dump her because I'm not willing to be emotionally invested in someone who doesn't reciprocate my feelings. But I love her so much that I'd rather suffer being with her that to live without her. I know that that sounds cheesy and overall pathetic, but it's true.She just acted differently when she was with my -at that time- best friend. In fact, it looked like she loved him more than he loved her, and she came out pretty damaged from their relationship specially considering that he dumped her and not the other way around.The point here is that I've seen how she acts when she's in love with someone and she doesn't act like that around me and that just drives me mad.So here's the question:Is it possible for me to make her love me or it just doesn't work that way? Is there something that I can do differently to make her appreciate me as much as I do her?Can the passing of time make her appreciate me more?What I'm trying to say is, can circumstances make a person love another or is there something intrinsic and unchangeable deep within that determines whether a person will love another or not?
View related questions:
best friend, broke up, crush, jealous Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 June 2013): Like the last poster said, it's impossible to MAKE someone love you or feel something they don't, through persuasion or effort or any tweaking of yourself! Things that you would just take as a given don't make sense sometimes- thems the rules :/ The only way you're guna get a bit more attention is if you push her away and appear distant- however this is quite manipulative and not worth it; even if she does chase you for reassurance, when she realises the mind games and the insecurity it would say about you, she's just guna think less of you... That attention would be transparant and fickle anyway. I'm sorry to say this but you're just guna have to man up and take back your heart! It's not guna last so just get it over a d done with- just be completely honest with her, that you just can't live with unreciprocated feelings... Sorry X we all go through it, good luck Xx
A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 June 2013): Hello.. Im going to get straight to the point.No sweetheart first of all you cannot make a person feel for you more than they do already... and you definately cannot make a person love you,......... Back in the past she dated your best friend right? now that the two broke up she is now dating you? but the two of you met through another mutual friend .. am I right? well back then did she know the both of you were best friends at the time?seems to me she still have feelings for your ex bestfriend.. I really dont feel that she should have jumped into a friendship with you because I really dont think that she was ready..Im guessing with u being able to meet again with her you are trying to rekindle the same feelings you had for her back then..If your getting a negative gut feeling about your friendship with you then sweetie unless things change you may need to move on...you should never care for a person especially in a relationship more than they care for you .. the person who is doing all the caring winds up getting hurt "ALWAYS"...Now I guess she acted diffrently with your friend because she cared for him in a diffrent way than she cares for you... theres two diffrent people ....She is not for you sweetie... I know it hurts for someone to tell you what you already know... you are still young and trust me after a while it will pass and God will send someone in your life who will care for you just as much and they will love you for you.. Or who knows this same girl in the future you two may come back together in a more mature setting and will probaly be able to be in a true relationship.. but trust me you will find someone you just keep the faith.. and dont let anyone EVER! get the best of you nor the feelings... you are better than that ...:GOOD LUCK:!!!!
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 June 2013): I feel you on this one! I am currently is a similar situation but a few steps down the road from you. I think she may still be hurting and trying to get over her ex and all the feelings she had for them. I'd say give it time just as I did and those same feeling will eventually come out. It took my current girlfriend a whole year of me chasing after her and 9 months of dating to finally realize things. Good luck to you!
...............................
|
