A
female
age
41-50,
*protective
writes:Dear Cupid...I'm strongly attracted to a single guy but I get intense feelings of concern/worry about his well-being and I worry that I'm going to end up revealing my concerns and he will cut me out of his life because he hates it when people worry about him but I can't help worrying about him. He is very successful and works unbelievably hard (almost 24/7) and is sporty. He sometimes losses loads of weight and I'm sure he doesn't eat enough (nor regularly) and I know he puts a lot of pressure on himself to achieve things that few people in the world have achieved. I believe his parents had high expectations of him and from what he has said, they allowed him to do things that (I think) suggests that they didn't protect his safety, didn't care or didn't do enough to support him when they expected so much from him. He would disagree because he wouldn't want to upset his parents and I understand this but I feel increasingly concerned about the fact he doesn't seem to look after himself (like eat properly) and I feel protective about him and increasingly irritated that his family don't seem concerned by the fact he's not looking after himself properly and only seem to be wrapped up in his success. Is it possible to have a relationship with this guy, show support and concern for his wellbeing in a tactful way that will avoid upsetting his family? Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (30 June 2016):
 I think you are worrying to much about the what if's. You like him well great, tell him that, enjoy his company, make him happy. At present he is not seriously ill that we know off so live for the moment, no amount of worrying is going to change the future.
A
female
reader, 2protective +, writes (22 June 2016):
2protective is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThe responses offered have helped me to challenge assumptions that I'd made. I now realise I made assumptions about the amount of concern his family have for him. However, my intention is that I hope that the guy I care for does not neglect himself to the point whereby he ends up really ill. I don't believe that he intentionally neglects himself, I believe he is so determined to be successful, he doesn't always make time for eating. From the answers given, I realise that I have to accept that he will make his own decisions in life but perhaps, in a selfish way, I know I'll be heartbroken if he becomes ill and it was preventable and I did not try to stop this from happening because he is an unbelievably genuinely kind guy who cares a lot about others. (I may not be to blame if he suffers ill health but I will feel as if I am)
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty +, writes (21 June 2016):
He is an adult, if he is not eating properly and is pushing himself to far well then he is responsible not his parents. His parents might be glad off his success and want what is best for him, that does not mean they want him to starve. Yes it is true parents can be tough on children growing up, but he is now and adult and capable of his own choices in life. If you want a relationship with him then the best thing to do is to try not judge him. There could be lots of reasons why this man is not eating properly. But for all you know he may be healthy. As you said he hates people worrying about him, so you might want to try and be his friend and not judge him unless he is severely unwell.
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A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (20 June 2016):
 How do you know he would disagree with your belief his parents have not protected him? In what way did they not care or support him, and when was this, when he was a child, a teenager or an adult?
I am assuming he is in the same age range as yourself, an adult, and if he choses not to look after himself or not to eat that is his choice, unless he is mentally impaired and cannot make these decisions for himself it is no concern of his family.
Nor is it your concern.... he is not a little fluffy bird fallen from its nest who will expire unless you pick it up and give it all the love and attention it deserves... replace its family in other words.
You ask if it is possible to have a relationship with this guy, sure, if he is interested, why wouldn't it be possible. On the other hand if you are wanting to get into a relationship and then expect him to make such major changes to his lifestyle as diet, work habits and how he relates to his parents you will be in for a rude awakening.
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