A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:This is going to sound strange but here goes.Is it possible to be attracted to someone but not find them attractive?I am attracted to my boyfriend, I love to talk to him, spend time with him, and he turns me on. But I don't think he's attractive/beautiful...I wouldn't stare after him if I saw him in the street.I guess I am coming across as very shallow and I've realized, the hard way, that looks are not the be all and end all...personality and the way you're treated are the key. There are guys out there who are amazingly attractive and who turn my head everytime but that's probably all there is to them...I bet that I wouldn't get along with them like I do with my boyfriend or that they'd treat me like he does.Is my relationship doomed because of my shallowness? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 June 2010): Thanks guys for all the answers.
Strae, your question (Is his appearance questionable enough to ruin his whole 'great boyfriend' thing he has for you?) really helped me here. It's definitely not, and everything else he is and what he does for me and us is more than anyone could ever ask for.
EbonyBlossom, you described what I was talking about perfectly. When you said "When I think about my boyfriend physically I am very turned on. However if I think about it in the grand scheme of things, he's not the typical fitty most girls would go for.' I knew exactly what you meant!! Yes, my boyfriend is beautiful in my eyes but he's not beautiful to be on the cover of a mag or something stupid like that.
So thanks guys, I just needed to get this out there :)
A
female
reader, EbonyBlossom  +, writes (3 June 2010):
 When I think about my boyfriend physically I am very turned on. However if I think about it in the grand scheme of things, he's not the typical fitty most girls would go for. But he's beautiful in my eyes. Just think about your boyfriend physically and I'm sure you'll find loads of bits that you love about his body and features. That's love.
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A
female
reader, Strae  +, writes (3 June 2010):
That's a good question. I think it really depends on how great he really is in comparison to how physically attractive he is.
If he's the type to melt your heart, make you feel cherished, appreciated, loved, and he makes you truly happy being with him, then he's probably a pretty good boyfriend. But appearance is a fairly large part of a relationship, and generally both partners must be on equal footings. That is why most unattractive men don't marry models, and vice versa -- both people need to be equals, or else one would feel undeserving of the other and the other would feel as if they may deserve better.
You're not shallow for focusing on his looks. Obviously, since you're in a relationship with him, you aren't focused solely on his appearance. The aesthetic appeal may be less than you'd hoped for, but he's still an attractive guy personality-wise, yes?
I've done the same thing as you, questioning relationships based on appearance alone -- "Do I deserve him?", "Are we an okay match?" It's a really tough decision to make.
See how long you can be happy with him; focus on his greater attributes. Is there something you adore about him, like a nice sense of humor? Focus on the better things about him rather than his flaws. Sometimes that is impossible to ignore, I understand, but it's worth giving a shot.
You should really ask yourself this: Is his appearance questionable enough to ruin his whole 'great boyfriend' thing he has for you? Or are his flaws something you may be able to put aside?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 June 2010): No way. :) A lot of people find that they are attracted to people that do not necessarily fit their rules of attractiveness. You seem healthy enough. 3 It's always an extra perk to have a super awesome looking SO, but as long as they cover all the bases and you are happy then that is all that matters. You say he arouses you, he makes you happy, etc, so you really have nothing to worry about here.
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A
female
reader, Blondiebrooke69 +, writes (3 June 2010):
U fell for his personality ...looks arent everything but if u dont think u want to be with him cuz that, that'll be ur choice but dont expect him to come back after u realize u want to be with him
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