A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I don't actually have a problem, I just want to hear other opinions about a certain situation.My parents went away for the weekend and I invited my boyfriend over, so I wouldn't be alone. When my parents came back I spoke to my mom and I told her that I had friends (including my bf) over all the time and she was like "Oh, nice.. I hope your bf didn't come here alone?" and I couldn't lie, so I decided to tell her partial truth. I told her that he came over once (when in fact he kinda moved in here while they were gone). And now she's soooo upset! She thinks that it's unacceptable that we were here alone - the neighbors could have seen us, my aunt (who lives in the flat above) could have seen us. For heavens sake, what will they think and talk about me?! She feels deeply hurt and disappointed, because she's told me before that he cannot come over unless her and dad are here. She said I'm allowed to go to his place, 'cuz that's different, but he can't come over.. it's like an unwritten rule that girls don't invite boyfriends to their house. I get it, she feels like I'm disrespecting her, I understand that part, but the thing I don't understand is why is it so wrong to have my bf over? Why do I have to hide my relationship from our neighbors? I really don't care what those old cat-ladies think about me. I'm 20 years old, I'm not really a kid anymore, we've been together for a year and it seems like a perfectly normal thing to me. My brother has girls coming over all the time and they've never said a word. They even talk and laugh about it.So what do you think? Is it okay for me to have my bf over or is mom right?
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female
reader, OlKit  +, writes (9 August 2010):
If she's told you before that he can't come over when her and your dad aren't there, and you invited him over when her and your dad weren't there, I think she's perfectly justified in being upset because you knew you were acting against her wishes.
I sympathise with you though. My boyfriend lives in another city and we visit each other at weekends, and while my parents aren't bothered what goes on when I'm visiting him (they know we're sleeping together and don't have a problem with it), when he's visiting me we're not allowed to be alone in a room together, and have to sleep apart. It just doesn't seem to make sense.
Perhaps your mum doesn't want things to happen under her roof, but under anyone else's is a different story. Better stick to her rules though and avoid confrontation.
A
male
reader, daletom +, writes (9 August 2010):
In the end, your mother makes the rules in her house.
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A
female
reader, Gabrielle Stoker +, writes (9 August 2010):
 Your mom has her point of view and you have yours. I can see where she's coming from though, and if you've living in her house and she's made her feelings on the subject clear in the past, it is not surprising that she's upset. It's true, as you say, that there may be a double standard at work here, but haven't we women faced that since time immemorial?
I guess until you move out, these are certain rules you'll have to live with.
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