A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I have a male friend who I've been friends with for years. Lately we have been spending a lot of time together. There is a problem he's married but seperated. Him and his wife are seeing other people and the only reason they have not divorce is because of medical benefits. I have a strong belief that there is no such thing as seperate only divorce. He would like for us to become closer. I just don't know what to do. Is it ok to date a married but seperated man.
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female
reader, xanthic +, writes (9 December 2010):
 No, it's not okay. Besides, why would you want to be with someone that only stays married for the medical benefits and nothing else? All that shows is he would rather use a situation to his advantage than do the right thing. How do you know it's not an excuse he's using to stay married to her?
Regardless of the reason, he's still technically married, and at some point he might change his mind, decide to drop you and reconcile with his wife. Don't get involved, it'll be an emotional mess from the start.
A
male
reader, DoubleM +, writes (9 December 2010):
 Depending on how long the couple have no longer been living together, and also if she is actively dating other men, then it is probably okay.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 December 2010): "Dating" him is fine, as long as he and his wife are definitely in the process of a divorce. I say this because what's the point of being with someone who is ultimately going to leave you once things are worked out with his wife. I do think that the relationship shouldn't intensify past simply "dating" (in the most casual sense of the word) until the divorce is finalized. Otherwise, you're just sleeping with another woman's husband.
At the end of the day, what I think is acceptable or what anyone else on this site, or that you associate with in real life, doesn't really matter. It's your life. Therefore, if you think that "dating a married but separated man" is okay, then do what think it appropriate. However, the fact that you're even hesitant, which I think you are because you posted this question, then I think that just shows that you find somthing about this situation unsettling. So really, you need to decide how you feel about this situation. It's all up to you. Good luck, honey.
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A
female
reader, Mjfbla +, writes (9 December 2010):
 If his wife is doing it then sure. Go ahead. But make sure you are ok with it first. Its not cheating
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 December 2010): Is there no possibility they will divorce in the (hopefully, nearer) future? Are the medical benefits that crucial.. is it more a temporary thing? It is fine to date him if you find his word trusty, but if he plans on staying married for longer than not, I'd feel a bit worried.. no one wants to be legally the 'mistress' for the rest of their lives. Are you two very serious? How would you describe the relationship he has with his ex- ish wife?
Curious,
Tante Victoire
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