A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Is it normal to still wonder about the break up?Sometimes I feel like I am very dense when it comes to relationships and breakups. Often, it takes me a while to really accept that my partner and I, are, indeed, broken up. I think this is in large part due to dating people in the past that were not so nice, so additional not nice behavior didn't make me think we were broken up.My ex moved out of my place a couple of months ago. He said he needed his space (which I understand because he has been through a lot of problems and stress and heartache with his family) and he often said that he justt wants to start fresh.I supported my ex through the difficult times. It is true that the relationship did become more about getting through those times, than doing traditional dating things. We often spoke briefly, and spent very little time together even though we lived together, due to different work schedules. We did argue a lot towards the end because of his family issues and his responsibilities in the relationship. I tried my best to not ask for many things because he was so stressed out.My ex says that he loves me, but he says more that he wants me to be happy and achieve the things I want, and he wants to see me successful in that area. He doesn't say he wants us to be together.He hasn't seen me since we broke up, but he does contact me to say hi and see how I am doing. We contact each other almost every day. I still help him from time to time when he has questions or needs help with things.I do accept that we are broken up. I just sometimes still feel a bit shocked by it. I thought that if we could get through the family issues, and I just remained patient, that things would turn around and we could go back to focusing on being a couple. I feel sad because I feel like he was not happy living with me because of the arguments. But the arguments were because of the family and stresses about money and bad communication. Part of me is upset because we only argued because his family responsibilities impeded his ability to contribute to our household. I believe of course in helping one's family, but I also believe in providing for the household.I sometimes wonder that if he isn't stressed about his family, if things would be able to work out between us.Is it normal to be kind of shocked about a break up?
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female
reader, laetitia  +, writes (16 May 2010):
 Anyone can say to you that you are kind and caring in order to make you feel better. I had a bf who would say similar things including that I am special to him and all that, but when I asked him: "If I am so special to you and so kind and sweet, why don't you ask me out again?" He'd be like "I am sorry, I just can't." Eventually I realized that he was saying all these things probably out of guilt or even if he meant them, it wasn't enough to love me.I have tried everything - I waited around for them, answered their calls/emails and was sweet to them even after they broke up with me, but they didn't come back. I don't know your situation, but if it sounds similar to mine, then don't expect him to come back. You might have to ask yourself the question whether he is just using "his family issues" as an excuse to break up with you gently?" Unfortunately, he might be doing that. I really think that you should give it sometime without any contact and see if he comes back. If after 1 month, he hasn't come back to you, then you need to seriously move on.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 May 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI get so confused, because he always says that I did more for him than anyone else, and that I was more supportive than anyone else. But, when he says it, I sometimes focus on what he isn't saying....he isn't saying that he wants to be with me, and he isn't saying that he understands why we argued the way we did. Just that he appreciates everything I did and that I was very kind and caring and that he wants the best for me.
It also hurts because he does say that he is stressed and wants to get away from things, and yet, I feel like he is lumping me in with the people that are always asking him for things. :(
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A
female
reader, laetitia +, writes (13 May 2010):
I think that you should apply to "no contact" rule with him for a while and give him the impression that you're moving on. Sounds like you were too nice to him and he didn't appreciate you. Quit being the "nice girl". Maybe he needs time to miss you in order to appreciate you.
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