A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend and I have been dating for eight months and I know I love him, but I'm not crazy about our sex. Sometimes I'm just really not interested in having sex and nothing he does will get me in the mood. And I haven't climaxed yet. Is this a normal situation? I guess it seems like everyone I know, or have read about in magazines who've had sex can't get enough. Thanks for your help.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, DoubleM +, writes (11 October 2008):
 Most all of the thoughts expressed below and by others are useful in a general way, especially about "knowing" what turns you on. But do you still feel like something is missing? There is no "magic" solution, or IS there?
First, an answer to your question, based on the opinions of many so-called authorities and the splendid research by Masters & Johnson, Alfred Kinsey and others. Additional studies and numerous surveys have confirmed that indeed, most women have a difficult time reaching orgasm via vaginal intercourse alone, especially when performed in a perfunctory manner. In the opinions of numerous notable sexologists - Mantak Chis, Dr. Ian Kerner, Isadora Alman, Mikaya Heart, Lou Paget and others, an alarming percentage of women definitely get short-sheeted when it comes to lovemaking by their male partners.
So yes, it is a normal situation, unfortunately. The only magic bullet is to subtly suggest that better technique is something that the two of you could explore. Your man would apparently gain a great deal of knowledge by reading various writings, such as Ian Kerner's "She Comes First" and others. What makes a woman enjoy sexual satisfaction? The following words pertain: comfort, mood, environment, warmth, closeness, intimacy and anticipation lead to such words as touch, sensation, stimulation, wetness, heat, excitement, expectation, fulfillness, climax and satisfaction.
As the anonymous female reader aptly noted, "A woman's body is complicated." It is much, much more complex a matter than most men perceive, especially in youth. A few men may be natural lovers, but the rest of us learn gradually through experience and study.
A
male
reader, Passthrough +, writes (11 October 2008):
 You have to know what you like before he can know. Do you masturbate? If so, show him what you do (or tell him, whatever, really). Let him know what works, and then he can try some things.
If you dont even know how to plasure yourself, fnd that out first.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 October 2008):
You need to understand what each of you wants in a sexual relationship and what both of you like.
Tell him the things that turn you on. A womans body is complicated, and no two bodies are the same. People like to be pleased in different ways. If you are not sure what you want, perhaps asking him if you can experiment and have fun exploring what both of you like.
Make sure that when you do try this, make sure you wont be disturbed and make sure its in a nice sensual atmosphere, like candles, music ect.
You need to work out what turns you on, you may want to try this by yourself too. You could also invest in some erotic reading material?
But just be honest with him. Im pretty sure he will want to do anything he can to please you and pretty up for experimenting with each others bodies.
Dont forget- things like porn and magazines are nont real. What people write and say in magazines are for selling and selling means money. Porn is nothing to what it is in real life so dont be thinking you need to be horny 24/7 because im sure 99% of women are not!!
Have fun!!
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