A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hey, I'd love some advice from male and female readers on whether it is normal to have doubts about how you feel about someone in the first months of a new relationship, please.I've been with my bf for nearly 5 months now. I had been single for 12 months after the end of a relationship with a guy I was living with for 6 years who cheated on me. I was happy single, and was completely taken by surprise when I met my current bf. He's amazing-thoughtful, caring, kind, gorgeous, funny, adventurous and a great kisser:) So, 3 months in, he told me he loves me. I didn't feel ready to say I loved him...I thought I did, but for some reason, didn't feel ready to say it. Then, a month ago, it hit me one day that of course I love him, and that it was ok to tell him...I guess I was worried about the vulnerability that comes with loving someone until then. I think I can trust him, but I know there are other girls who would love to go out with him, which I guess was making me nervous.Things are still going great between us, and most of the time I feel head over heels in love with him. But, sometimes, when we're not together, I don't really miss him. And sometimes, when we are together, I find myself feeling almost a little bored, like we don't have a lot to talk about...and then he kisses me, and I totally melt!I guess I'm wondering if it's normal to feel this way? Does it mean that the love I think I feel for him is superficial and not a deep thing? I do think I love him, but sometimes I'm not even sure what love means...I'd love to hear your experiences/advice. Thanks:)
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male
reader, TheFlash07  +, writes (26 January 2011):
 I'm a little younger than you, but I think it's safe for me to say that I've been through the same thing, more or less. But in my opinion in some relationships love grows into something beautiful, when in other relationships love fades and dies eventually. Though contrary to your experience, when I'm not around my gf, I always miss her alot. I just focus hard on my job, or play videogames to stop thinking about it. And I've also experienced the same like you, feeling bored, but usually she spots it when I'm feeling bored, and she immediately runs up to me and kisses me, making me feel alot better. I think you need to decide for yourself whether the love between you both is superficial or deep. I know the love between me and my girlfriend is deep. Why? I just know it when I look into her eyes for long periods of time, then followed by a passionate kiss. But still, I get jealous when she gets attention from better looking guys then me, or when she spends time with her male friends when I haven't seen her for a week or longer. But I've been told that kind of jealousy is normal, to quote a song by Enrique and Lionel Richie, "she can keep your heart guessing but she's yours if she stays". I guess that can also be turned around, and if you truly love your boyfriend, trust should be there, and so you should know he won't cheat on you. But of course when in doubt, talk it over.
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