A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Is it normal to be very hesitant about dating new people because you don't want to get an STD? Everyone seems to not care and it makes me wonder if I'm worrying about it too much. However, I feel like most people would lie if it's convenient. I thought I knew my boyfriend well, but after we broke up I found out he had HPV from a friend. I've gone on dates with a few people since then but haven't been physical with any of them, partially because I'm scared to catch something. Even the chance of getting oral herpes from kissing someone bothers me. I'm starting to feel like I'll never be able to let go and have fun because the thought is always in the back of my mind, and I'd really like to see what's out there and get some experience before settling down. I'm bi and for a while there was a strong mutual interest between me and one girl in particular. We were going to mess around and have some fun. I really wanted to, but hesitated because I didn't know her very well, which she seemed to take as rejection. Things between us didn't work out. I feel like I'm missing out on sowing my wild oats while I'm still young because of this, I've only been intimate with one person so far.
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female
reader, QuirkLady +, writes (1 December 2010):
 I also think it's great that you are taking these risks seriously. There are steps you can take to reduce the risks of catching anything, like condoms for genital contact and dental dams for oral contact. You can find them at Planned Parenthood or your ob/gyn.
As long as you practice safer sex, you will have excellent chances of being STI-free your entire life. The important thing is to keep yourself safe, because as you see people lie. STI tests, condoms and dental dams are not cheap but they are worth it to have peace of mind.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 December 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for your answer. Unfortunately that's the problem though. My ex and I waited five months before doing anything remotely sexual, I felt like we told each other everything about our pasts and even had a discussion about being safe. He was good friends with a few of my friends and I trusted him a lot, and now I feel like he used that against me because he was fully aware of what he had. Because of that I'm paranoid of being lied to and there's really no way of knowing unless I catch something. It would be ideal to get tested with a potential partner but I feel really awkward about it, and std tests aren't cheap. Even at the nearest clinic they're not free. Is there any alternative?
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A
female
reader, kirra07  +, writes (1 December 2010):
I think it's great that you're taking the risk of STDs seriously. Too many people don't. I would recommend talking to a health care professional about your worries. Talk to them about the risks of STDs and how you can best prevent them. Chances are they'll say use condoms.
And I would recommend talking to potential sexual partners about your worry. That you're interested in them, but want the both of you to be careful and be safe. It might be a good idea to wait awhile before becoming intimate, and when you're ready to take that step, have the both of you get tested.
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