A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi everyone, I need help.my current bf has been a weird individual since the beginning. By beginning I meant to say 3 months ago. We've been together for 1 month. He never gives me good morning/night calls; never texts me during the day, he only replies my texts when I had asked him a question; he refuses to try to make me happy.Like, I had a very nice evening with him this Friday. I felt he was really into me that evening and we had a nice talk. He even spent night at my place for the first time(he had been a very distant person and it was the first time we spend a night together).The next morning(SAT), we had brunch, we were happy. I went back home he went back to his place and I haven't heard a thing from him since then!!!! No text msg, no call, he didn't even go online to talk to me.I tried to talk about different things that we would work out in our relationship but he said I should stop giving him hints and not force him to do what I expected him to do in a relationship. Is it normal that two people in a relationship do not talk to each other everyday? I wonder how often do people contact their significant others? I know a couple they have been having a long distance relationship for yrs and they give each other good morning calls everyday(different timezone).I used to talk to my ex (bf at that time)once a couple days when our love was fading.
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female
reader, scythe  +, writes (5 May 2009):
 To me, it sounds like you and your partner are mismatched. You enjoy keeping in contact more than once a day, and he is happy going days without it. I don't think he is cheating or gay or a jerk.. maybe just intensive to your needs. Perhaps you would be happier with someone who enjoys the same frequency of contact as you.
I also disagree with innocent_lover's comment. I do not think that a relationship is defined by verbal contact everyday. I might talk to my colleagues at work every day but that is simply a friendship. On the other hand, I am sometimes not in contact with my partner for a day or so, as we do not live together. But I do agree that it is nice to speak to the one you love everyday.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 May 2009): I wasn't going to answer this one, but with all due respect, I have to disagree with innocent lover.
Now, maybe its an age thing, but I'm in my late 30s and my boyfriend is older than me, and we simply do not feel the need to get on the phone and talk to each other every single day. Being in a relationship does not mean being on a leash to that other person. I mean, hell... my sister is my best friend, and there are days when we go without speaking due to time and other contraints.
I don't know, maybe when you're young and don't have careers, one or both of you having kids and just other life responsiblities that sometimes take up your time, you do need have the time to be on the phone or texting all the time with each other every single day. People, of course, in LDRs do speak quite often of course, because they do not have the pleasure and priveledge of seeing each other with the same kind of regularity. But I'm sure they'd give up the phone thing in a hot second if they could see each other as often as you (OP) and your bf see each other.
Look, if this is really a deal breaker for you, something you absolutely can not compromise on, then do what you have to do. But I just think that as long as he's answering your calls & texts (and not avoiding you), then you're good and maybe you need to compromise a little bit on this one. Maybe he's just not a phone person. Maybe he needs a little space from you from time to time (this is a good thing... makes him miss you and not take you for granted). He's already expressed in so many words that how you're going about things is a wee bit controlling, so personally I'd back off. He says he doesn't like being told what to do, he's feeling like you're trying to change who he is (not a good sign) and if you keep this up, you'll lose him for good.
Heck, give him a few days to himself, he might just call you and give you what you want without you're even asking him.
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A
male
reader, innocent lover  +, writes (4 May 2009):
hmm.. I'm totally not sure about this but what I saw from everything from stories, movies, experience and other things, love is a seriously complicated and very weird thing when you think about it. agree? anyways in your case Im going through a similar thing where my girlfriend doesnt reply to my texts sometimes and doesnt seem to look at me or talk to me, I think it's wrong that he is doing this because I dont think its called a relationship if you dont talk everyday. I think thats one of the basic fundamentals?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 May 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionto AGLion,
I don't think so. We still see each other almost once every other day. And even he wanted an affair, I wonder if he would be able to find someone who is better than me.
I think first he is a weird person already, 2nd he is just not that into me and not willing to put effort into this relationship. I am thinking maybe he know it's not going to last long because I am better than him and he doesn't want to please me because it makes him less confident? This doesn't make sense because women always want to be treated well by their partners.
He was way better when he was flirting to me 3 months ago. He would email me everyday, talk to me online until 5am, and we text each other back and forth.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 May 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks everyone.
I want to say: I know the answer I know the answer I've always had the answer in mind. I am just in denial.
I became more lonely after dating him. I cannot find anybody to dump my emotional trash at the end of my days and I need some emotional attachment.
It was hard for me to not see him right away so I am waiting for my affection for him to run out.
There is no reason for me to date him any more...to be honest. Emotional support is all I can get from him, and it's what I only care about but he cannot even give it to me. What pisses me off is he doesn't even want to try to make me happy. He knew what I wanted but he doesn't make effort to make me happy because he "didn't like to be forced."
One day we were talking on msn and he was about to go to bed. I said good night and "gime a kiss okay~~" He said :"kiss" and 1 sec later he told me "I don't react well to this kind of things"
I was like...what?
He told me he was the person he had always been and he was not going to change much no matter how hard I try.
So I told him I was the person who I had always been if he was not going to change for me, I was not going to change for him either, so if it didn't work out it didn't work out.
He said ok.
I am not expecting roses everyday, or him treating me like a princess, all i want is a relationship that feels like one. Just like every single woman, I want to talk about what happened in my life and when I am feeling down I need someone to turn to but I don't think he will like it.
My 2 months long summer break is coming up soon and I am going abroad. My plan is to let it cool down during the summer so I can easily move on.
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A
male
reader, AGLion +, writes (4 May 2009):
If you're overwhelming your man, as in calling him everyday or taking charge of his life, he may need some 'man' time with his own friends.
The other thing, would be if your man is cheating on you. It's a sad reality, but I would consider talking to his friends... just in case.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 May 2009): I have the same problem...guy thinks its funny. when I first met him, he was working, then he just quit and only works when he feels like it, he tells everyone he owns his own landscaping bussiness and even gives girls bussiness cards and its a dam joke im so sick of it. His name is Ray Grebe and he has done nothing but make my life hard.
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A
male
reader, LazyGuy  +, writes (4 May 2009):
 Men say less then women. Everybody knows this. It is the reason why immigrant women typically speak their new language better then male immigrants. Women are the talkers.
But, any man with a clue knows that his woman needs to talk. While as a male you might not have any particular desire to call her the day after, you do. Same as you buy flowers or horribly sweet candy. It is like buying presents, you don't buy what you want but what the other party wants. I don't like flowers, she does, so I buy flowers for her, she make my half of the pizza with ansjovis the smell of which she hates. It is called wanting to please those you love.
So what does it say about a guy if he doesn't do the things that you want.
Not sure, there can be a lot of reasons, from him just not knowing that you need this to him just not caring.
But yeah, I would say that a normal couple would attempt to communicate at least once a day. Even if one party isn't that into it they would do so for the other.
So, hope he just is a bit insensitive but be prepared he just doesn't care that much.
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