A
female
age
51-59,
*arijo
writes:I have been having an affair with my ex boyfriend who just like me ,is also married to someonelse...and eventhough we are thousand miles away apart we had intimate moments. Until finally, we decided to meet up after 21years and ofcourse one thing led to another..I felt so deeply inlove with him after we spent time, when i came back home he even called to check how i was doing and to say hi..However,that afternoon he sent me an email saying that he will always be there for me...that email really alarmed me because it could only be a dumper's guilt.. He dumped me in our 1st relationship and im afraid he's doing it again...he has not called me yet like he told me he would and its been a week now.. I know that the best thing for me to do is to totally get over him and go on with my life...I do have a loving family and have been married for almost 14 years, but honestly i do not have remorse for what I did coz i really love my ex...Do you think that he's avoiding me or he just realized that nothing will happen to us since we are not going to sacrifice our family just to be together? It's so confusing because the next day after we met up, he kept on saying that he missed me and how he wish that we just ended up with each other...I even told him to stop saying that because that will do nothing...please help....
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female
reader, DOG +, writes (12 December 2008):
 14 years is a lot invested into a marriage. I know sometimes we get into a routine lifestyle and it tends to get boreing too at times. I think maybe you are looking for something (feelings, emotions) you once felt and find in the ex boyfriend. Believe me when I say this but you do have those same feelings within your marriage too it's just that their covered up w/14 years of your every day routine life. Don't worry about people from your past, there's a reason they didn't make it to your future. Go back and remember how you felt in the first years of your marriage. You will find those emotions again.
A
female
reader, marijo +, writes (12 December 2008):
marijo is verified as being by the original poster of the question Thanks so much! Everything you said was right! He really hurt me big time! I feel so stupid for not learning from my past mistake...Once a dumper is always a dumper!
I guess what happened was I was just trying to be with him again and be able to do the things that we were not able to do before..He's my biggest frustration that's why i guess i felt flattered when went out of his way to reconnect with me after 20 yrs...I know i have to move on and appreciate what I have. Thanks again for the enlightenment!
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A
female
reader, petina1  +, writes (12 December 2008):
 It is so easy to start up where you left off with old flames. He has taken advantage of the situation and you have been right there for him. You are living the fantasy with him,something that was nice for a short while and spiced up your life. I can't see him wanting any more than that and now you must stay with your loving family of 14 years and don't destroy it for this moment. Just keep the memory, something to look back on if you feel lonely or sad. Nothing can come of it and it sounds like he doesnt want any more than that. If you were meant to be together he would not be your ex now, so try to think of all the things you broke up for and assess what you have now with your husband who has been through thick and thin all these years with you. You can destroy many lives including your children if you decide to take a risk with him. hope this helps.
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