A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:I'm 16I'd like detailed answers to this question please:Is it best to wait forever to lose my virginity with someone important to me and therefore probably never lose it as I am so unattractive, OR just go for it within the next 6 months even if it's not with someone special?please answer thnks x Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 March 2008): hi this is the poster, thanks y'all i am going to wait for a very special time, but have given my self a 40 year ultimatum lol
A
female
reader, hannah76 +, writes (18 March 2008):
 I got pressured into it at 17 and really regretted losing my virginity. Wait! You will lose it eventually and remember once it's gone, it's gone. So it's best to have a special memory of a special guy that you remember fondly. H.
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reader, anonymous, writes (18 March 2008): You should defintely wait! You will feel so much worse if you lose it to some random guy, because if that happens he will only be using you. I am 20 and still a virgin because I want to wait for that special someone that I can trust. You are only 16 and I promise you that not everyone is having sex. It might seem like it, especially in high school, but trust me that is not the case. You have the right to choose when you lose it, so just do what you feel is right!
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A
female
reader, xapathyxrebornx +, writes (18 March 2008):
 Hey hun,
first of all it is best to wait until your with someone special. Lossing your virginity is scary but thats made easier if its with someone you know and trust, even love.
Secondly you say your unattractive. Maybe thats your own perception but if you meet that someone special they WILL change your mind. Its not about looks, its about personality.
Thirdly when you do come to have sex dont expect it to be amazing, it will be arkward and stuff but thats why its best to have someone special cause that eases that alot.
and finally remember - PROTECTION. x
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female
reader, UofOPsych11  +, writes (18 March 2008):
 Wait, wait, wait!!!!!You are probably an amazing girl, so wait for a guy who deserves you! I had sex when I was too young....I was 17! There are many girls way older than you who still have not had sex. It DOES NOT mean you are unattractive! It means that you are beautiful girl with morals!
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A
male
reader, Yos  +, writes (18 March 2008):
 You should wait.
Why?
Because if you have sex with 'just some drunk guy' who you pick up one night, he'll disappear the next day. Then you'll feel even less attractive that you do now, and start to have regrets and feel bad about yourself. And then what? Keep on having sex with whoever will sleep with you? How will you feel after 5 guys? 10? 20 guys? Yes a few people do this, and in the end they end up wishing they hadn't. Really wishing they hadn't.
Or, you can wait until you find a guy who honestly likes you for who you are. Get to know him, learn to trust each other, then have sex. The next day, he won't disappear, but rather will want to see you again. You'll start to feel more attractive, and better about yourself. You won't regret what you've done, and you'll set up good patterns for this and any future relationships (including your relationship with yourself).
Sex isn't 'good' or 'bad' in itself. Sex is all about who you have it with, and how you two feel about each other. Bad sex is certainly a lot worse than no sex, whilst good sex is great. But having sex just for the sake of it is a bad idea.
In the mean time, whilst you wait for the right guy, you do have something you can be thinking about. Namely: why you think you are 'so unattractive'. That's just not true, and really not what you should be thinking. You need to figure out why you think this, and learn to think differently about yourself.
Almost all girls your age think they are unattractive. They see all these perfect girls on TV, and in magazines, and compare themselves to them. They hang out with boys their age whose sexual 'experience' consists of internet porn. All these images are lies: no one looks like that, not even the models and actresses themselves. Everything is fake. People don't look like that in the real world. You might be comparing yourself to some impossible ideal that no one can live up to.
If what I just said is something you connect with, I suggest you read a book called The Beauty Myth, by Naomi Wolf. It's about how beauty is defined in our society, and how difficult it is for women to live up to the impossible ideals we've created. It might help you to understand why you feel unattractive and what you can do to stop feeling that way.
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A
male
reader, LazyGuy +, writes (18 March 2008):
 Is there one woman on this site who, now that she has found someone she loves and wants to grow old with, did NOT wish she had saved it for this guy and not some random guy at a party?If a guy asks wether he should go pay for sex to loose his virginity even then the answer is WAIT.For most people their first time matters and what do you gain anyway by loosing it to some random guy? Congrats you are no longer on the virgin list, you are now on the conquest list of some man.Wouldn't it be ironic while you are loosing it to Mr Wrong, Mr Right is outside looking for you?As for being un-attractive. Go hang around a church or the townhall and watch couples as they come out after the ceremony. It ain't all supermodels. Men are often advised that they need confidence to find a girl. Well same to you, and thinking of just getting anyone to be your first does not show a lot of confidence.There are practical concerns as well, do you really want a STD, a baby and a reputation just to have some bad painful sex.If you absolutly must then at least try to find a decent guy, not someone who will go to your groom at your wedding and tell him he bagged your cherry (actual true story).
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A
female
reader, love-him +, writes (18 March 2008):
 HEY!!
Babe! not everyone goes for looks, HONESTLY! please dont just think that you should lose it whenever, because you may regret this in the future!.. Think carefully, and if i was you, i would wait until that special person, and if it never happens, then at least you tried to wait.. If you decide you want to have sex with someone else, then remember to practice it safely :) GOOD LUCK!! Feel free to mail me at any time x x x
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reader, anonymous, writes (18 March 2008): Well, this question has maaany many sides to it. You either get the people that think you should just go out and have a good time having sex with everything that has a penis. Or you get the people that value sex, and believe you should enjoy it but with someone you actually love. By no means are they saying you should be boring, yet should just wait so you don't have any regrets.
If you can't tell, I'm one of those people that think you should wait for love :]
I'm pretty much your age, so I can get where you're coming from. It seems like your life is just taking off, and that everyone is meeting people and you haven't. I know it seems that way! But when you look on the grand scale of things, you'll probably live til you're 80. Not that you want to lose your virginity at 79, but just saying. As for attractiveness... When I walk around my city, I see a load of fat people in their 40s, their hair scraped back and pushing a 2 year old around in a pram. Makes me think, they've obviously had a guy, and they're not gonna be appearing on the front of playboy magazine any time soon are they!
Everyone is meant for someone, I really believe that. And when you do meet the man you're destined for, you'll regret ever looking at another guy, never mind losing your virginity to them. It's an important moment in your life, where you finally get the closest you can ever be to someone. And surely you want to enjoy that moment, when you can feel all the love and emmotion, rather than just lie back and get physical pleasure, but not emmotional pleasure? Sex is a very emmotional thing, not just physical, so you'd enjoy it so much more if you trust the person you're doing it with, and know that they respect and love you all the same. You want someone that loves YOU, and doesn't just want your body, don't you?
There's good sides to sex with (pretty much) random people, but way more good sides to sex with someone who actually loves you and cares for you. So my advice to you is, wait, because I know there's someone out there that will think you're beautiful, amazing, and if you're a virgin, they'll thank you for not just throwing yourself at some other guy you kind-of-like.
Good luck honey.
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