A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Is it possible to be in love with two people at once? Me and my boyfriend have been together for 7 months, and are very happy. He's not the most romantic or thoughtful of people, but I love him to pieces, and I know that he loves me and needs me. However, I've since had a crush on this other guy, who I found out also fancies me, and I just can't seem to stop thinking about him and what being with him would be like. What should I do? Cut off ties with him? Tell my boyfriend?
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reader, anonymous, writes (3 November 2007): I believe the answer is yes; you can be in love with more than two people at once. I never thought I'd be one of those people, but I'm beginning to think I am. I've been in a relationship with a guy for about 5 years. It was a very rocky relationship. We had some good times, but we also had our fair share of bad times. It even got to the point that my friends and family disliked him because of the way they saw he made me feel. We broke up. About 10-11 months ago I began writing to an old friend that I used to email years ago. We had never physically met. About 3 months later we met and unexpectedly hit it off. He seems to have everything, all that I've ever wanted. He's polite, generous, loving, friendly, thoughtful and passionate. He's everything my xbf was not. So why am I still even thinking about my xbf? Logically I tell myself, you can't possibly be willing to give this guy yet another chance? You don't want to lose a for sure good thing for what you know, with 60% certainty, isn't a good thing. In the past couple weeks, my xbf has professed his deepest emotional apologies, something I'm definitely not used to. He got on his knees begging me not to leave him. He wept in my arms when I told him goodbye. In the meantime, I have been planning my life with my new boyfriend. Engagement, marriage, kids, retirement these are just some of the few topics of our conversations (mainly he initiates and I willingly accept). He makes me happy. But I'm now finding that my x makes me happy as well. I care about them both for very different reasons. I say "care" because I feel irrational about saying "love." It's not a good place to be in I'll tell you that. I don't want to hurt either guy. I definitely don't feel that my new boyfriend deserves to be hurt at all. He has never and probably never will hurt me. Does this make me a bad person? I do not know. The future should be interesting...
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 April 2007): You say you love your boyfriend of 7 months .. but maybe you wish he was more thoughtful and romantic, and you feel your relationship with him is missing something. I'm wondering if your perception of your other 'love' is that he would be the thoughtful romantic partner you dream about. It is easy to give him these fantasy qualities when you don't know him very well. My advice would be to find out more about about this other guy ... if possible get to know him as a friend, and then you can make a judgement based on reality rather than fantasy. Does you boyfriend know how you feel about his lack of romance and thoughtfulness? Could he become your 'crush' again if he became more romantic and thoughtful? The grass isn't always necessarily greener on the other side. If you do decide that your new crush is the man for you, hard as it will be, I'd recommend being straight with your boyfriend, and letting him down gently, before getting romantically involved with the new man.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 April 2007): I think it is possible to be in love with two people at the same time. Or to love two people at once. I never thought I would say this. I used to be incredibly judgemental of others with regard to faithfullness etc, and I considered just thinking about someone else constituted a betrayal! I also thought that they must be unhappy with their current partner and looking for a way out. Or just looking for sex. Now I don't feel there is any black and white anymore. You can never see inside another persons head or feel what they are feeling , you can only guess. I was happily married and then I got hit by what I can only describe as this incredible energy between me and this other man. I wasn't looking for it.Its made my life very difficult. I don't know how to handle it, but to say I can't be in love with either him or my husband feels like a lie of its own to me. Maybe one day in Utopia we won't need to be jealous or proscriptive about who or how many we are allowed to love.If God didn't want me to fall for another person why does it feel like such a set up? He is an unreasonable god. I am after all only human. I thought I had the moral high ground and now I'm in the foothills! Maybe god just thought I was too certain about love being reserved for one and thought he'd have a bit of fun.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (31 March 2007): Hi, I agree with the first response. You can definitely be in love with 2 people at once! I have been with my husband for nearly 10 years and love him very, very much, and the thought of ever being without him is terrifying. However, I have also been in love with his younger brother for about 5 years - they are so similar it was hard not to. The big "but" is that I never have, and never will do anything about it because I love my husband more and would never do anything to hurt him. He even knows that I adore his brother and that his brother fancies me, but he trusts us both, rightly so and it will stay that way.
Your situation is different though, you've not been together for that long and you are not married. If you do want to find out about the other guy, split up with your boyfriend first! Don't cheat whatever you do. Can you stand the thought of being without your boyfriend? If you can't, then he is the one for you!
Hope that helps
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (25 March 2007): Unfortunately, the answer is a big "yes." You can be in love with two people at the same time. The world is not so black and white as people like to make it out. There is a lot of gray. However, 7 months is not much time invested into a relationship. If you are not feeling 100% about your current boyfriend, how will you feel in another year. 2, 3, 4 years? What your feeling may be unfulfillment in your current relationship. Only you can decide that for yourself. But, better to make that assessment early on before things get even more complicated. But, also, everyone has crushes. I've been married for 14 years and every couple of years, I befriend someone who I feel strong feelings for. It's normal, but it doesn't necessarily mean you should act on it. Think good and hard on this one before you make a decision. Also no that this does not make you a bad person. Good luck.
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reader, anonymous, writes (12 March 2007): How do you know it's just a crush. The definition of crush is "a temporary unreasoning love". It sounds to me like you fancy the new guy and losing interest in you bf. Like the previous post says, you are young and should be enjoying yourself, which shallow as it may sound means moving onto the next guy when you get fed up with the current one.
Don't think about it too much, have fun, you are only young once, don't waste your youth because you current boy friend needs you.
And no, it is not possible to be in love with two people at once, it is a contradiction in the same statement. Love is a committment to one person. It is possible to fancy 2 people at once though.
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reader, anonymous, writes (12 March 2007): Don't finish with your bf just because of a crush, that will never work. How do you really feel about your bf? It is only 7 months and you are quite young, At that age you should be enjoying life and going out with friends and lots of people, not getting settled in a long term relationship. Sit back and ask yourself if you really want to stay with your bf. Never cheat! It's so unfair and very cruel. I bet if you talked to your bf about how you want him to be, he is young too and can change, so let him know.
Take care
xx
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A
male
reader, maxsteel86 +, writes (12 March 2007):
 Before you decide to break up with your boyfriend, are u sure the other guy will treat you any better? The things you want your boyfriend to be can be changed and I'm sure he'd be happy to do romantic things if you told him about it. If you never tell him something's missing, he'll never think anything's wrong. I'd say cut off ties with him and work on your relationship. Dont tell your boyfriend since that wont solve anything, just complicate things.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 March 2007): you need to ask yourself if you truely love your boyfriend, if you did then you probubly wouldnt have these feelings for this other guy. maybe you just like the security of having a boyfriend. whatever you do, don't lead your boyfriend on or cheat!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 March 2007): You've only been with your boyfriend for 7 months and you've got a crush on another guy. Doesn't look good does it? Firstly dump your boyfriend and then start going out with the other guy. This would be better than cheating on your boyfriend. And if you are so happy with your boyfriend then why do you have a crush on another guy?
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