A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Here's the deal. I have been dating a guy whom I met on a dating site for a month now, he actually stated that he wants a relationship and so do I. We see each other every week, but only about once a week, usually on the weekends. He is a really nice guy but he's a little quiet and doesn't pursue me (he doesn't even compliment me and I am an attractive girl), which I'm not used to. Although he said that he's not seeing anyone else and he hasn't been back on that dating site. After getting to know him a little, I've discovered that he's very deep and insightful, he is fascintated with different philosophies and the arts. When we go out, we have a great time and I've met his friends who like me. One of them even told me that his friend is a really good guy and a bit sensitive. I don't like the fact that he will never call or text me just to say hello or see how I'm doing. I always have to initiate contact first and when I do, he will usually ask me to do something. When we are together, we cuddle and kiss a lot but he doesn't really try to make plans with me, I always have to ask what he will be doing later in the week. I know that when a guy is interested, he will usually be agressive and try to get the girl but is that always the case? Is him acting so aloof a sign of nervousness, does he want to take it slow or is he just not interested in me?
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (7 March 2013):
 Not always is the guy the aggressor.
with my now hubby I actually said to him the second time I met him "what do I have to do to get your attention hit you over the head with a brick?" he said "yeah you do"
Basically, it's only a month of dating... so what about 4 dates.... not much time at all...
you have a couple of options here...
1. you can ask him how he feels but he may not know or he may not want to answer
2. you can stop "rowing the relationship boat" and see if he contacts you. I did this once early out with my hubby and it was over a week before I heard from him... it was not me... it was just the way my guy interacted with the world.
3. continue how you are as long as it's fun and see what happens... sometimes it just takes time for some folks to warm up and get it...
A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 March 2013): "I know that when a guy is interested, he will usually be agressive and try to get the girl but is that always the case?"
No it's not always the case. OP I'm the kind of guy who pursues a girl I like with determination, I wasn't always like that though and it wasn't lack of interest for me it was inexperience. I thought for many reasons that it was the right way to go. Playing it cool, inexperience, crap dating style, being overly respectful, trying not to act too keen, scared of getting hurt, taking it slow and just not being an alpha male are all reasons why a guy may not pursue you aggressively other than not being all that interested. He could also just be lazy OP and you're making it easy by contacting him.
OP simple way of finding out is just asking him how come he doesn't and tell him he doesn't all that interested in you because of that. His reason or excuse which ever the case may be will tell you what's up. He may just be too cautious OP. But I mean if you're going to continue seeing a guy with the possibility of a relationship then you have to feel comfortable being able to talk about things like this.
You'll see whether it's worth continuing from what he says. But deep, insightful, sensitive people tend to be loners in this sense. I know it's a bit of a stereotype but they tend to be very closed off emotionally as things effect them deeply in an emotional sense so they tend to try rise above that kind of thing and not get too deep. Do ask him though OP, you may just not be on the same page as people, he may simply not have it in him to be an alpha.
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