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female
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anonymous
writes: if you finally start talking with an ex again but he isn't ready to be in a relationship again---is it ALWAYS black and white that they just don't want to be with you? We were with each other for almost 4 years and a year of no contact after the break up..noone cheated..i think we did really love each other and care for each other alot..it was petty stuff that i think we can get over from just learning from mistakes etc..i know what i would do differently and told him this. He is in his 30's and I am in my mid twenties.i was strong and didnt not contact him until a year later because i still loved him even though i tried dating etc. We have been speaking for months. I did ask him very direct questions and made direct comments of how maybe he is just trying to be this "nice guy" and doesn't want to say that he just doesn't want me. And he said that isn't exactly right b/c if it was about me then he would be seeing someone already or looking.We have been having nice conversations but in terms of us seeing each other he said let him get his head together. We talk every week or couple of weeks or so but it is mostly me calling at this point.I really still care for him very much and its not as simple as he is an ex for a reason--i wish we could give this a second chance and i am hoping he would eventually come around.I have been dating in the meantime but it doesn't make me feel as happy like i did with him. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, laetitia  +, writes (24 May 2010):
 I really hate to be in your situation! In your situation, you shouldn't be the one always calling to catch up.
Next time you call him to talk, tell him politely "hey, I really feel like I am the one usually calling and trying to initiate contact to catch up. It takes two people to keep a friendship/relationship going. If you care to keep it, you also have to take the time to initiate contact once and a while because this is the last time I am calling you. Then don't call him anymore. If after this, he still doesn't call, then...I am not sure what you can do.
A
female
reader, person12345  +, writes (22 May 2010):
 No it's not always black and white easy. There are almost always going to be conflicting feelings and thoughts. However, even if there are some feelings of wanting to get back together, if he says he just isn't ready, he's just not ready. You can't change his mind, and even if you can it probably won't last. I'm sorry, I know that's not the answer you were looking for.
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