A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Met this guy recently around my age and he seems really into me. I like him too. The thing is, though, he looks like the spitting image of a guy I knew up till very recently (a few months ago) and had a lot of trouble with. They could literally be twins.I was friends with this older guy (about 10 years older) who looked almost exactly like the current guy. We never dated "officially" or slept together or anything, but I found him really attractive physically and we used to flirt constantly so much people thought we were going out. In hindsight, though, it was a very toxic friendship (he had a girlfriend living back home he didn't tell me about) and he also used to be quite mean. I fell out very badly with the older guy literally a few weeks ago as I finally stood up for myself, got even too.I don't want to let him ruin my future relationships too. But emotionally is it a bad idea dating someone who looks the same as someone I was involved in a toxic friendship with not so very long ago? Most of my friends didn't know the older guy so that won't be a problem. He is a nice guy and I'm not attracted to him just because of his appearance.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 July 2015): If it is coincidental that you see a resemblance between the two guys; there is no problem. However; some people have unfinished business and unresolved issues from past bad relationships. They have never found their closure. They hunt for copies of their old partners. Some folks are just attracted to a "type" with certain features.
Victims of abuse sometimes subconsciously search for and become attracted to, people who could double for the people who traumatized them. That is the danger many victims of abuse face; if they never get counseling for their post traumatic stress. Identical looks don't necessarily mean they are alike. They may be total opposites. You will however be hyper-aware; and have to be careful not to confuse the two when you interact and exchange affection.
Your sudden realization that they do resemble each other may be your awareness to this possibility. The problem with this scenario is, you could start transferring or projecting your unresolved issues onto that innocent and unsuspecting person. Every-time something goes wrong between you; you may have flashbacks of similar past events.
Always keeping this in-mind, may allow your current romantic-connection to flourish without incident. Getting along well with the clone; all depends on whether you got over your issues with the original.
You're very young, and the fact you noticed this says you're pretty acute in your thought processes. So you may be able to handle this pretty well. You know they are not the same person, so don't treat him like he is.
Treat him as you want to be treated. See him as an individual, and don't compare his personality (or looks) with someone who did you harm. Do this, and things could go well for you. Many of us have dated people who resemble people we used to know. Sometimes that may be what attracted us in the first place. It happens. His looks didn't hurt you, his behavior did.
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