A
female
age
51-59,
*ngel12
writes:I have been married for 21 years - two children 17 and 19 - one at university , one at home, Husband is good provider , lovely man but we don't talk, not had sex for months , just can't seem to say two words to each other without one of us snapping. Have tried to get him to go to relate he won't hear of it as i have the problem not him ! Anyway to cut a long story short my first love from over 26 years ago has started texting me - he now separated with a child who is best friends with one of my children. have meet - nothing happen but he is still in love with me. he is willing to look after me - treats me like a princess- is he worth taking a risk on or do i stay and scream inside at husband for not been like first love?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 January 2009): It is my nightmare...I wish ,if people wouldn't be so cruel with each other... Can't you see it? Is this just a soap opera. So ordinary..It happens to people who are totally unconscious.So sick of this stories. ""The first love syndrome"".. Mid-life crises.. That's all.. Please be smart..
A
female
reader, onedayatatime  +, writes (14 January 2009):
I have been in the same situation as you. Only my husband took the step to contact his x of 25 years ago. They communicated by texting for months on a daily basis behind my back. I found out and went through emotional hell. I realised that our coldness towards each other was a cry for help. Arguments were better being provoked between us as this is another outlet for feelings. As long as there are feelings there is something!! Strange but true.Anyway, when i found out i confronted him and he agreed to try with us instead of leaving. The communication continued even though i was gren nough not to know. I found this out when the phone bill came in. I took this up again, anotherhuge argument occurred but we decided that we should try again.After each confrontation the sex has come back and wow! i cannot complain. This is better than i could ever remember. ( Had been without for a very long time )This is still very new and i still get very depressed but i know that even though i thought we had nothing anymore, over 20 years of marriage carries alot of good baggage too. There is a security with deep roots that cannot be dug up. This other guy is lonely at the moment and desparate to find a partner..........Why did you split up? The X is there for a reason. He won't have changed that much but alot of his life experience will have made him even more selfish. If anyone promised to treat me like a princess i would be very scared. Anything that seems too good to be true usually is!.Why were you not a princess way back then? Did you dump him? Remember why.Your husband deserves to know about this maybe this is the wake up call he needs......just like i got. Then he has the chance to either maqke you feel better or walk out on you giving you a win win situation no matter what.I truely understand you and wish you very much luck.
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A
female
reader, riverside girl +, writes (14 January 2009):
Sometimes a long term marriage seems even more dormant when someone new and exciting comes into our lives, you can go to Relate on your own, I did this when my ex had an affair and it did help, and then he decided to come along with me in the end. I would say, if you are thinking of leaving your husband, don't do it for someone else, take some time out just for yourself and see where it leads, not all relationships last forever, but do think hard before you make a decision, many people who leave a marriage for someone else are never happy and that relationship does not often work out. Best of luck x
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