A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I've been with my current boyfriend for nearly a year. I love him, and he tells me he loves me. He treats me very well, and I have little to complain about. But one day in conversation, he mentioned that an old female friend of his drunkenly kissed him at a party while he was dating his ex (they were together nearly four years). This shocked me, because he told me he'd never cheated on her before. He defended himself by saying that he rejected the girl, sat her down and told her they had been friends for a long time and that she knew he had a girlfriend. He said the next day the girl sobered up and apologized profusely.I asked him if he ever told his girlfriend, and he said no; that there was no need to tell her anything because nothing happened and he was faithful. I expressed sympathy for her, which annoyed him (they broke up on bad terms.) I have always trusted him. But now I'm worried, especially since I know he is going to a bachelor party next week where there will be lots of drinking and strippers. Would he lie/omit the truth to me as well if it meant saving our relationship? Help?
View related questions:
broke up, drunk, his ex, stripper Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, ImmortalPrincess  +, writes (12 June 2012):
 I agree with ChiGirl, if it happened the way he said it did, then you have absolutely no reason to mistrust him.
Perhaps he didn't tell the girl he was dating, at the time, because he knew, from past experience, that she would overreact. You DO NOT want to be like that. You want him to feel like he can remain open and honest with you.
A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (11 June 2012):
 Contrary to you I don't think this qualifies as cheating or lying. I'm siding with your boyfriend. He can't be to blame for someone ELSE and THEIR decision. It wasn't his decision to kiss that female friend. She kissed him, and he pushed her away. He didn't cheat. And he didn't lie to his ex, or you, about "cheating", because he DIDN'T cheat.
According to your logic, everyone who's ever been raped while in a relationship are also cheaters. Being kissed against your will isn't cheating.
And I agree with your boyfriend, why would he tell his ex that this happened? It'd only hurt her feelings. If you want to be told if someone else kisses your boyfriend then tell him so. Tell him that your feelings wont be hurt by it (although I am sure they will), and that you wont be mad at him if someone else makes such a pass at him (although I am thinking you will since you're already mad at him even though none of this happened to you or while you were with him).
I'm thinking you'd also ban him from meeting, or deny him to continue meeting, whatever friend or person who crossed the boundaries. And I am sure this would be a huge issue to you if he chose to keep in contact with said person. Isn't he still friends with this girl who kissed him? Don't you feel nervous about her already?
Listen, you need to let your boyfriend fend for himself. He is the one who ultimately chooses who he wants in his life, and he is the one who needs to judge the character of his friends, not you (or anyone else for that matter). He knows his friends the best and knows if they are truly friends or not, and whether it was a one-off drunken incident that she kissed him or if she's likely to do it again. He'll naturally create some distance between himself and her if she's too close. But this is something you need to let him be in charge of.
I've had boyfriends who's been kissed at parties, by other men actually. I sure didn't like it, but I wouldn't exactly classify it as cheating either. This was just a stupid thing that someone decided to do, and it wasn't your boyfriends fault that his friend tried to kiss him...
...............................
|
