A
female
age
41-50,
*ibrant_lady
writes:We got married 4 years ago, out of what I thought was TRUE love. Between the two of us there are 3 children. One he took on as his when we engaged and the other 2 we share. Now it started rocky, because he is in the Navy and I quit a good job and moved away from my family to be with him. We're both young ... married when I was just barely 21 and he was about to be 24. Somehow we managed to overcome all the problems and make it work. That is until Christmas. His grandmother passed away and he had to fly to NY to be with family. My kids and I stayed behind with my family because finances are tight. Within 3 days of him being home, he didn't call to check on me or the kids. I came home because of an illness that has yet to be diagnosed; and couldn't handle being alone with the kids. I would fall out of nowhere and just have bad body aches for days with no pain relief. So we jointly decided it be better that I move back home with my family until he got transferred here as well. So it bothered me when he didn't call ONCE. So when I did finally reach him, I said some things that I now, regret. But in the end ... he told me he wanted a divorce. Now the 1st set of reasons he wanted a divorce was because we're just 2 different people and that we got married for all the wrong reasons (ie ... he felt he was obligated because of a miscarriage I had months before we got engaged). Then the next day it was because I had told him one too many times that I was leaving when we had our REALLY big arguments. The next time we spoke, he told me the reason was because: I'm lazy, selfish, mean and rude to other people and I can be a bit vindictive to other people. Never to him ... but yea. I left a good paying job, my family whom I had never been away from, to live in a whole new state with this man; and take on the role as stay at home wife and mother. But I'm lazy! But I'm not gonna knock him because regardles of all that has happened ... I love him. He has given me beautiful children and the life I had only dreamed of until I met him. Now I know that you don't have the full story, but from what has been posted ... do you think it's worth putting up the fight? Is he valid in wanting to leave? What should I do?
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female
reader, rockelle +, writes (6 February 2008):
 Well in my opinion it sounds like you have a lot going on. Death in the family, children, and being away from each other. The distance in your relationship is definately a factor because that makes working things out very difficult. Now, if you sincerely want your marraige to work and you feel that there is a chance he might reconsider then yes you should fight for your marriage. However, making a marriage last, and work is a two way street so you have to take into consideration he may not want to fight and make this marriage work. When ending any relationship there are things that need to be worked out but ending a marriage is serious and is something that can not be done over night. I suggest that you talk to him and let him know that you want to make things work, give him the opportunity to think about what he wants. If he decides that he wants a divorce then you will have no choice but to start the healing process and move on with your life with or without him.
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