A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:So I got to know this guy through the gym. He had just gotten his heart broken but there was an obvious mutual attraction (at least physically). We'd hang out once in a while but mostly see each other at the gym. After a few months, I totally fell for him but i didn't want to be the rebound girl. I was very up front with my feelings and everything (maybe that wasn't a good idea). Unfortunately we did have sex but not often. He said he liked me when I had asked him but he never explained how he feels about me. He had one time randomly mentioned how he could see being in a relationship with me but everytime I bring it up, he avoids it and keeps telling me he doesn't talk about his feelings. I had gone out of state for a few months and during that time i was hoping my feelings for him would go away. He would call or txt at least once a week while I was there. When i got back, I asked him if he wanted to start a relationship or wait. He wanted to wait (still mending his broken heart) but most of the times we hung out it seemed he kept on trying to have sex (I mean I wasn't saying no cuz I wanted him too... I'm weak). It was a big deal b/c I want to be in at least a relationship to have sex... not just friends with benefits or casual. He also has mainly female friends whom he's dated/had sex with and he says he is able to stay friends with those girls. Is he just stringing me along? I understand he's mending his heart but I also question whether he's being like this to make me fall for him even more (you know... the more you can't have, the more you want). I want to get over him cuz I know there are better guys but I also deeply care for our friendship. I honestly think he has come close to meeting my standards so far. I'm probably over-thinking things... help with comments and advice, please. Be brutally honest.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 March 2009): Thanks jezebel527 for your feedback.
To your question about him sleeping with others, I have asked him and even though he could lie, I haven't found a reason to not believe him yet and he has said I was the only one he's been sleeping with.
I haven't closed myself off to other guys but b/c of my feelings I haven't really payed attention to anyone else's flirts and what-not. Half the time (especially when i'm busy) it's easy to just "move-on" but then he contacts me. Sometimes its hard for me to just treat him like a friend b/c I fell for him. He says he can separate the different emotions. It's becoming easier to be his friend.
We would go weeks without seeing each other but only go as long as a week without communicating via txt or phone... so I guess I just wonder will guys go to such lengths to keep a "booty call" on the line?
So pretty much I'm trying to move on...
A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 March 2009): You arent getting what you want out of this right? Its been months! Honey he is going to string you along for as long as you let him. I say walk away. Move on. In my experience sometimes it takes that in order to make them realize what they are giving up and come to their senses. On the other hand, if he doesnt come after you then you know it was just for sex and his personal benefit and good thing you were moving on anyway. And are you 100% sure he isnt sleeping with anyone else? You did mention other female friends of his. You have to be very careful, protect your heart and body! Good luck to you, let me know what you decide.
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