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Is he rushing things by telling me he loves me when we've only been talking online for less than a month?

Tagged as: Crushes, Flirting, Online dating, Teenage, Trust issues<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (7 June 2017) 7 Answers - (Newest, 19 June 2017)
A female France age 26-29, anonymous writes:

Hello everyone,

So i'm 19 years old and there's a guy i met online, who's really cute, smart and i like him.

It's my first time really liking someone. We still didn't meet, though we're chatting everyday for hours..

The thing is he told me lately he loves me. BTW, it's both our first time in a relationship!

He wants this to last forever, though i'm just thinking about the present.

I mean isn't it difficult for him to be with a girl who likes him, but he loves her?

I'm also afraid that he's just lying or something because it hasn't been a very long time( not even a month) , and he already told me that..

What do you guys think about this? Thanks a lot!

View related questions: met online

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A female reader, aunt honesty Ireland +, writes (19 June 2017):

aunt honesty agony auntYou are both young, and although you seem more sensible, he has got caught up in the fantasy off having a girlfriend who he loves. He does not know you as a person, anyone can create a relationship behind a computer screen, but you both need to get to know each other first before it can be called love. If you are uncomfortable with him saying it then ask him to stop. Be careful when meeting, as you never know who you are meeting from the internet so meet in public and bring a friend.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (12 June 2017):

It's young love it's lovely don't question it .... enjoy yourself if you don't feel the same yet be honest with him and tell him not to say love yet he will understand and meet up ... I am sure then you will realise either way if you like him or not x

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (9 June 2017):

A man who is perfectly happy to tell someone he doesn't know that he loves them is someone to be wary of in my opinion. I hope that you are right and he's just a crazy romantic whose heart you have captured without even meeting him.

But I'm concerned about the fact that there are plenty of people on the internet trying to con and dupe others. The fact that he is telling you that he loves you is very worrying to me. Have you Skyped with him?

Do you know that he is who he says he is? People are willing to spend a lot of time on young and naive people, winning them and their trust. The internet is the perfect place for them to find victims.

They take months and months over getting you to trust them and to then get something from you, be it sex, money or to drug traffic for them. He is telling you something that isn't true. He can't love you.

He doesn't even know you!

Be very, very careful if you meet him. Keep your wits about you and have your mind open about who he might be.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (7 June 2017):

hi, i am the girl who wrote the question.

First of all, i want to thank you all for your answers!!

WiseOwlE, that's really helping!! He's 21 years old, just forgot to mention it. I guess you're right, that maybe it's just an image he built with his imagination.. I'll take Honeypie's advice and meet him with a friend, then decide if i really like him or not..

yeah, i did tell him we shouldn't rush things, he was like: indeed, indeed, but i still love u.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (7 June 2017):

He's young and eager to meet a girl who likes him. It's way too soon to know how much he even likes you, let alone loves you. He's smitten and infatuated, and has created an imaginary online romance. If he had to explain, he wouldn't exactly know why, or could tell you what makes him love you?

How old is he? Why didn't you mention his age?

I'm very glad you're aware that's kind of weird and not exactly appropriate for the length of time you've been acquainted. You're only "acquainted." It takes a lot of time and interaction on many levels to really know a person. So any feelings you or he may have now; are purely superficial and based on very little knowledge of who either of you are.

He is in-love with the ideal of being in-love, and his crush is based on just knowing you and his vivid imagination.

Maybe he's taken by your pretty face and chatting with you makes him feel as if he knows everything about you. That's how young love pretty much works. It's more of an ideal than the real thing. The real love you truly know is for your family and closest of friends.

True romantic-love comes from and with maturity and experience. You know yourself and what your needs are. You know when to offer it in return to someone who is the match you've been waiting for. They pull those feelings from you without effort. You give them willingly.

Even people twice your age have a hard time distinguishing our true feelings for someone; because we have so many things about them we really must know and understand. Necessary to really determine if our feelings are real; or just that we're impressed, or attracted to them physically.

I would suggest you tell him to hold that thought about love for awhile; because you're not there yet, and you haven't even met each other. Sometimes what people see online is just a representation; not a complete demonstration of our personality and true nature. We're only an image.

He's not lying as far as he's concerned, he's a boy who's on a mission for a girlfriend. He wants to see what it's like to like a girl and her to like him back. Too eager really!

Until it makes him look a little whacked-out. Some guys get infatuated just on the way you look. So calm him down every-time he gets too excited. You can set the pace, and just let him know you don't want him to get ahead of things; because you don't know how you feel about him yet.

Tell him you will decide how you feel when you meet in-person and have spent some time together. Then he will know the real you and know for sure whether he will still feel the same. He needs to hear the real sound of your voice, and check-out your personality. You also want to see if you really like him too, once you've talked face-to-face. Then you can decide if you like him as much. Things can be pretty different about people once you've see them up-close.

Tell any boy who uses the L-word that you'll believe it when they have had a chance to demonstrate it through their actions. Don't fall for just hearing it said; and don't lead them on, unless you give it back. Some girls play on a guy's feelings and dangle him on a string; because they like hearing him say it, but don't really give a hoot about him.

I know you're not that kind of girl; but I said that for the benefit of others who read these posts.

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A female reader, Andie's Thoughts United Kingdom +, writes (7 June 2017):

Andie's Thoughts agony auntRed flag. Either he's doing it to try to manipulate you or he's naive and falls for someone too quickly.

If you continue talking to him, tell him you need to slow it down because you barely know each other.

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A female reader, Honeypie United States +, writes (7 June 2017):

Honeypie agony auntYes, he is rushing things. Maybe not on purpose, maybe he has been caught up in the "fantasy" that you two of have built. (or rather that HE has built in his head)

He can't KNOW if you two will be together forever or even work out in person. So PLEASE take his words with a BIG handful of salt. WORDS are cheap. They only have REAL meaning when backed up with actions.

If think if you REALLY want this to go somewhere, then SPEND time with HIM in person. Meet up and see how you two get on. DO NOT get into bed with him - that is NOT how you get to know another person.

Whether he is lying about things is impossible to tell.

Use common sense here.

If you plan to meet up, make it a PUBLIC place, bring a friend if you can (the friend can sit elsewhere in the cafe/restaurant while you meet this guy) if not bringing a friend make sure SOMEONE know where you are. Make the first meeting a short'ish (like an hour or two) and if you felt comfortable with him, meet him again a bit longer. DO NOT get into a care with him or go home with him. Now he may NOT be playing games or dangerous, but you STILL need to be smart.

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