A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hello, hope you can help me.This may be long so i apologise in advance. I have been with my boyfriend now for just over two months and so far it has been quite a bumpy road...I'd known him for three years previously and we got along well enough. Anyway I realised, quite dumbly that I really fancied him, very slow on the uptake I was because I didn't realise until people began to point it out.Anyway something happened that meant I probably wouldn't see him again, so I told him I liked him, he admitted he fancied me too and we decided to take it slow. So that is what we have been doing.But during our relationship I have tried very hard to be understanding about his depression and drug taking. I have been understanding when he got drunk along with his alcoholic friend, whom I do not like because I can see he leads him astray, I was even understanding when he smoked weed in front of me for the first time.He has basically been a bit of a moron throughout and i have always given him 2nd and 3rd chances. But things came to a head at the beginning of this week.He had a bad day, and then his dog ran away. He rang me in a panic saying it had gone missing, but I couldn't help because I was in the middle of work. I told him to calm down and go looking for him, he was an old dog, he couldn't have got far, but he snapped at me and put the phone down. Well I am afraid I rather lost my temper and I rang him back telling him not to put the phone down on me when I was trying to help and he then said shocking me that the dog could eff off and die for all he cared and he put the phone down again.Well I managed to get out of work early, since I don't work far away, and I spent 20mins looking for his dog, and asked him to let me know when or if the dog had been found. Turns out that the dog had been found ten mins before by two boys and they had brought him back.It angered me that it wasn't even him who had found his dog. He was lucky someone had a heart to even take it back. So I was really angry and mad at him for his attitude and especially putting the phone down on me and snapping.He text me half an hour later, saying he was sorry, and so I text back saying he had hurt me. I was perhaps being a bit over the top, as I know he can get angry very quickly, but I didn't appreciate being snapped at. Anyway no sooner had I said I was hurt than he text back and said he had apologised, if it wasn't enough we should finish. So I said, OK if that's what he wanted. It seemed to me a bit extreme, but in that moment he certainly wasn't the man I knew and I don't think I would have minded it though I do love him. He text back half an hour later saying that we should talk. I said I'd go round the following evening.So I went last night and I am afraid I was a bit silent, I wouldn't sit next to him, in fact I was quite lethargic about everything and had a banging headache. I didn't kiss him hello and didn't give in to his demands for a kiss all night.I know I was probably a bit childish but it just didn't feel right in that instant.Anyway this morning he text asking if I had been hurt in the past by men, so I truthfully said that I hadn't but I was very careful with my heart and who I gave it too, just like he was because he was afraid of getting hurt. I've only had two exes and when we split up they ended up playing games saying stupid things like they were going to commit suicide. (NEITHER OF THEM DID THANK GOD, THAT WAS JUST AN EXAMPLE)Anyway he text and asked me to go round later then when i didn't reply because I was working he sent another text saying, actually don't bother, you aren't committed to this relationship.Well this annoyed me even more. I am not the most demonstrative person with my feelings, but from the cuddles and kisses we had, everything seemed fine. I will not sleep with a man until I am ready and I haven't yet been ready to sleep with him. I think he is playing games like my exes. Saying we should split up then changing his mind.I know I have rambled, but what I think I want to know is, just some advice how to handle the situation. I am not sure if I want to finish with him, but I am 26 and he is 50 and I am beginning to feel more like his nanny than his girlfriend. Our age gap is not the issue, but sometimes I feel more mature than he is.I am going round tonight to have it out, and see where things are going to head, but I need advice how to handle things before I go into the lions den.He says he loves me and can't do without me, but it is not love is it if we are making each other miserable?Anyway I hope Dearcupid's agony aunts can give me some advice. I really am unsure of what to do.Thank you x
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