A
female
age
36-40,
*weetmama198621
writes:I have this guy that i work with...i really think i'm in love with him and i know he's got feeling for me too. whenever i talk to him on the phone, or see him at work my stomach feels like it's knotting up. my hands sweat whenever i get close to him, and when he hugs me or looks at me, i feel like the only two people in the world are him and i. whenever i'm around him, all i want to do, is be with him. talking, and being close. The thing is, he's got a girlfriend who is pregnant with his twins. he said that he doesnt really want to be with her anymore, but he doesnt want to leave her because he wants to be a part of his kids' lives. he calls me everyday and as we are about to hang up with eachother, he calls me honey or baby. whenever i hear him talk about his pregnant girlfriend, it sends chills up my spine. I told him how i felt about him in a four page letter that i gave him and then a few days later i asked him if he read it. he told me yes and said, i told you from the beginning that i had a girlfriend. he told me that he didnt want me to stop feeling for him what i do. of course i asked him why not since he doesnt want to be with me. he answered, because it feels good to have somebody care about you. "i thought she cared about you" i said to him. "i'm sure she does, but all we ever do is fight." i dont know what to do because i feel like he's giving me mixed signals. What do i do? How am i supposed to feel? Am i really in love with him?
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female
reader, Complicated*One  +, writes (2 January 2008):
Hes selfish, when i started reading this i thought it was gunna be hard to answer as i thought he was gunna be telling you that he loved you. however nowhere in your story do you say he has even said he likes you in that way. dont settle for him, he is makin you fall in love with him knowing full well he will never break up with his girlfriend. his life is moving on and yours is at a stand still all because of him. i think you should move on and find someone who you make feel just the way you do. After all the only person who is good enough to be with you is the person who truely believes their not.Good luck, i know it hurts but you will get through it. x
A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 October 2007): Hi Sweetmama
You need to step back and look at the situation your in...
He is playing you in my opinion and is showing signs of feeling the pressure of what he is up too. I agree that your not in love but infatuated with this - unavailable - man!. He has a partner and family on the way and using you I am afraid to get some relief from his real life.
There are too many women, and men, who fall for the line that their lovers are not happy in their relationship. Too many excuse the situation saying that "but he's/she's unhappily married" Not always true and rarely will they leave for their lover. Don't fall for that girl!
You must think about the type of man who would get their partner, perhaps, happily pregnant, cheat on them with someone at the office and says that he doesn't want to really be with her. In todays society, many women and men bring up their children without both parents being in the same house. He can still be in their lives and does not need to use this as an excuse. He's playing you and deceiving the mother of his children!
His comments about telling you from the beginning that he had a girlfriend, contradicts his comments about not being happy. He, in my opinion, wants you on the side to feel good, but not to keep!
Could you really admire, respect and love a person who could do that? Think about being on the other foot and you will see the true man you are wasting your feelings on.
It is hard as you work together, but you must stop this affair for your own well being. Him calling you babe etc just keeps you happy and on hold. This may sound harsh but if he really wanted a relationship and out of the one he is already in, he would stop playing games.
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A
male
reader, Collaroy  +, writes (22 October 2007):
 You are in lust with him. Not love. Seriously what type of man is it who has a partner with twins on the way and he's flirting with a work colleague.
How would you feel if you hooked up with this man, he got you pregnant then he started to flirt with other girls from his work? I'm sure you would be very sympathic and wish him all the best in his new relationship. I think not.
He's playing head games with you, obviously things arent going too well at home, maybe his partner has health, emotional problems brought on by being pregnant with twins, but in any event the least he can do is see his children born before chasing girls in his office for thrills. This shows what a real swell guy he is, if you think his behaviour is anything but a bit of male ego boosting and you honestly believe you could have a future with this rat, I guess you deserve each other.
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