A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:My husband and I have been together for 20 years. We have been quite stable except for the years that he was not interested in having sex with me. At the time I was upset and obviously thought of all different reasons for this. We had many arguments etc- also because he was constantly on porn sites. I do understand that we all watch porn and am not a prude- but at the time it seemed that was all he was interested in. Anyway, we worked through it and I really felt we were back on track. With maturity, I also realised that there was not much else to do about it- he is with me, thus must love me and so worry and jealousy were silly! I really have grown up so much. Now the other day- purely by accident- i saw a sms he had received. Thinking about it, he has been very attached to his phone lately- done huge ammounts of messaging on his phone and also even taken it to the bathroom. The sms- quote- " really hope my reply was ok. i was a bit fried at the time but what I was trying to say re the matter that was concerning you, is that you are not at all too old to give her ......" the rest did not come through. All of a sudden all my insecurities came back. I have mulled over this for days now, trying to find an inocent explanation for this sms. I really dont want to sink back into the insecure state I used to be long ago. I really want to find a simple explanation- but somehow I can't. It does not fit into what any of his (or our) friends would talk to him about. I don't want to ask him about it unless I have thought about it a bit as it would just make him angry, especially because of our quarrels years ago. I really just want to trust him. But I just cant seem to let it drop- I have an odd feeling about it. Do you think that this sms sounds ominous, or do you just think I am jumping to conclusions?
View related questions:
insecure, jealous, porn Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (31 July 2011): well if you really want to know you now have to snoop or you hire a PI to snoop on him. Be careful what you do here. He could be innocent and you could really create a problem. If you can afford it and hide the spend, then use a PI.
His shock and strong denials sadly don't help resolve this one way or the other. They are exactly what a cheater and an innocent person will say and do.
It's sad that you are in the state you're in now but given that fact, your best course of action is to surreptitiously find the truth.
Then you either have the pain of dealing with a cheating husband or with dealing with why you're so insecure. Sorry if that sounds harsh, but that's the reality of the outcomes ahead of you. Either way, the only forward now is to find out the truth.
Again, good luck.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 July 2011): Thank you anonymous! but I saw your answer too late! I think you are right! I only eventually brought it up because he asked what was up? I had tried to be normal, but he obviously could feel something was wrong! Of course he denied it, was "shocked", denied knowing anything about it, although the sms was quite obviously answer4ing something of his and it clearly said hi ****(his name). Now nothing else has come of it, I still feel the same and as you say, he will now be exceptionally careful- so I won't get any follow up. I did not say anything about him texting a lot, and he still seems to be getting a lot, just not answering. Now how do I solve this? I am obviously still upset, but I know he will be angry if I don't return to my normal, happy self soon! Asking him about it did not help! And next week I am working long hours- I wil have to try not to obsess about it! PS I actually didnt snoop- it was truly by accident- but now I am dying to snoop, just to find out the truth! But I know he will be more careful in future!
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 July 2011): don't ask him about that sms. That will only show you have snooped and will make him be more careful in the future.
Your gut may be right (and it does read that way) but it may not. One thing for certain though is that cheaters almost never confess. They will deny, deny, deny and the most convincing and vociferous way right up until you provide irrefutable evidence.
Him using the phone a lot, texting etc. does not sound good.
Sure, you can talk to him, but I would not mention the sms or his phone usage. Be more vague. Just talk about how you feel things are not right, or that he seems different, etc. Ask if he'd consider the two of you seeing a counselor or not.
If he is up to something, you don't want to tip off your more direct suspicions. You may need that phone to catch him out and confirm your suspicions.
This could all be innocent. I, and you, really don't know. I'm just laying out for you though how cheaters work.
Good luck.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 July 2011): Thank you both- I think I will have to ask him about it, It is a very cryptic sms, but perhaps there is an explanation...I am hoping anyway
...............................
A
female
reader, lucky-n-love0927  +, writes (20 July 2011):
 it's hard to say if you jumping to far... i don't have alot of experience in relationships but i have found my gut is always right.. it hasn't failed me yet. if you have a funny feeling about this. i would say you have to confront him and should tell you the truth.... and if something is happening with him my question is why couldn't he come to you about it?. good luck.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 July 2011): As his wife TRUST your gut! It doesnt matter whether he gets angry at u: very cryptic sms.
LoveGirl
...............................
|
