A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hello,I have a problem which I'm sure many women will know what I'm going on about. Here goes.. My partner was with someone for 13 year(they got togther young) had a child,I was with my sons dad for 8 year,anyway thing is I can truly say I didn't love my ex but my partner tells me he didn't love his ex but he always goes on about her and I feel he compares me to her(in first 6 month of being together he went on about her and her partner(his ex friend) and was always txting and ringing even telling her about our arguements,I didn't like it so I told him and I also didn't like how she just walked in his home and started telling him how to sort his house and talking to him about her realtionship problems. I know when you have kids together you have to be civil but they was being a bit too much,he promised me I'm the 1 he truly loves and that he was just being friends with her has they were together a long time. but when he was drunk he would go on and on about stuff and whatever story he was telling me she would always be mentioned,when he got nasty in a arguement he said she was million times better then me,he said I was a fat heffer! Also his storys kept changing and he said he left cos he didn't love her and went away to think about things and he slept with some polish girls(he said he had 4 in hot tub doing things to them etc) and then he ment another polish girl but he ended up going out with her and spent time in london with her,but also going and having sex wirh his ex,but then he'd say they nearly had sex but he couldn't get aroused,to cut a long story short he got bored of this other girl and I think he wanted his home and 2 cars back and daughter etc but his ex told him she was seeing someone (his friend) he said it didn't bother him it only hurt cos it was his friend and now he's lost a friend but a bit of me thinks he gutted he lost his ex,he never says anything bad about her yet he always puts me down( his ex is a nice girl and I think she a nice person and ahe said same about me).anyway they have been together nearly 4 year and got married 3 month ago,my boyfriend saw paper as they was on it and he bought it at throw it at me! I didnt understand why and why be bothered! He also always accuses me of loving my sons dad and wanting him and was I sleeping with him before we got 2gther! No no no! I don't want to be 2nd best and I deserve better! Its not just his ex,he also mentions other girls he had in his life! What is going on and what to do I do? P.s his ex used to txt him back and always rung him(so they was both has bad) til I said it wasn't right! End of day she wasn't thinking of her fiance then was she,I know they have a child and she prob wanted to make sure he wasn't too drunk or on drugs(he had a substance problem)I don't want to come across has jealous has I'm not like that,but now has time gone on I think I feel it and I feel I'm not as good as her and she must be so perfect! But we are all different and nice in our own way! I love him so much but I want to shake this doubt from my mind that he is just settling for me til he gets his ex back or someone better! What do you think? When he was with his ex he didn't treat her too well either and cheated,I trusted him but now I'm starting to think will he do that to me too! He says he wouldn't. Help
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reader, anonymous, writes (18 May 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionhi,just want to say a big thankyou for all the advice and its helped me a great deal and I can see my future being brighter and happier(with my partner has a lot has been discussed deeply and truthfull) THANKYOU.x
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 May 2012): "What is going on and what to do I do? "
I think you should break up with him. it's obvious that he's still wanting to be with his ex, and if he can't have her then he'll be promiscuous. This is not the kind of person who's going to be a monogamous committed partner to you. So if you're wanting commitment and monogamy you should look elsewhere.
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (17 May 2012):
 This is a tricky one. She was a big part of his life so her name coming up in conversations is going to happen. However the way he treats you and compares you to her is completely wrong, even if they where said in the heat of an argument it is still completely out of order. You need to sit down with him and talk to him about this. There is no other way. Communication is so important in a relationship and you need to tell him how you have been feeling, tell him how the things he has said has upset you, ask him to explain his actions.
At the end of the day love is not enough here, if you cannot trust him then you are better off without him. There really was no need for him to go in to details about girls he has been with, and if he keeps changing his story then that sounds to me like he cannot be trusted because he is not being honest with you.
I can understand why he would be upset that his friend got with his ex, because that is not a line a friend should cross, so even if he was over her, it is still a hard thing to come to terms with, especially if there is a daughter involved. I think you both just need to sit down and talk about all these issues together. Good luck.
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