A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:hi. I have been dating the most amazing man I have ever met for five months. He is very sincere and upfront about his thoughts and feelings. He has told me he loves me, that he couldn't see himself with anybody else ever, that I can trust him and so on. I also have depression. He knows this and said it's okay. Lately I've been going through down spells as I've started back at school and I get into random slumps. He's always been very supportive of this, wipes the tears from my eyes and tells me I'll never have to face any of it alone. That'd he'd always be here for me. Things were going well. He makes me happier than I've ever been and we get along great and enjoy each other's company. However, Sunday and Monday were very awkward days for some reason. My depressive episode became somewhat severe on Monday but once more, he was supportive. We were fine. We had made plans for the weekend. I was supposed to go over to his house, we were going out for dinner and such. I called him up after work on Friday to ask if we were still going out that night. His response was "eh..." and I asked him what was wrong...but all he said was "I think I want to spend the weekend by myself." I asked what was bothering him and he just said "I don't know" to anything I asked. So weakly, I asked 'Are you leaving?" his response was a shaky "I don't think so" and it's the "think" part that got to me. He said he needed some time to think, and that he'd call me on Monday. He wouldn't give me anything more than that. I'm not pushy, so I said I understood and told him I'd hear from him whenever he called me again. He still said "I love you" first before getting off of the phone.His tone and words tell me that I might lose him, but at the same time, the fact that he still said "I love you" confuses me. Could my depression be the problem? Could he just be afraid to tell me?? I really don't get it. It was so out of the blue and is triggering severe depressive episodes and I'm not sure what to do. All of my friends are too busy to talk with or anything so I'm just sort of left here thinking that I'm probably going to lose him. I keep beating myself up, telling myself I never should've trusted anybody. What could possibly be the problem??? Does it sound like he's just considering a polite way to leave? Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Artistry +, writes (20 January 2008):
 Hi there, please don't feel as if your moods are the reason, if he is thinking of leaving the relationship.
I think if someone truly loves you, they will support you and care for you. If you have things in common and you are communicating with each other on an intimate level, your relationship should be able to weather the storms. I would like you to do some research on Omega-3 oil, ask your doctor about it, I have seen reports that it is very good for decreasing mood swings.
Take the time to talk to your friend and let him know what you are thinking and find out where he is, you can then gauge where you both are. Talk it out, without becoming confrontational. Good luck with your health and your relationship.
A
female
reader, duskyrowe  +, writes (20 January 2008):
 You don't say what has triggered off your depression. Is it that you find schoolwork is getting on top of you? Does it stem from childhood or has there been a death in the family. Whatever it may be, I think you should see a councellor or your GP and talk over about your depression, even take your bf along as he sounds like a very nice young man.
As for your young man cancelling dinner plans,he may wanted to take time out, but this does not mean he will finish with you. I sincerely think that you guys need to have a heart to heart chat, go for a coffee with him. Talk to him about what is on your mind. He maybe feels that sometimes its hard on him too, when you have your bouts of depression. Please could you get your bf to drop me a line, so I can get his side of both of your dilemmas.
The reason why I am asking this because I would like to help you both and see if I can get you guys back on track, as it is obvious to me that you do not want to break from him. Dusky xxx
...............................
A
male
reader, Dazzerg +, writes (20 January 2008):
 Ps, in the meantime make sure you find somebody who you can talk too and lean on them for the time being and get your feelings off your chest; even if it is just in an email or something.
...............................
A
male
reader, Dazzerg +, writes (20 January 2008):
My answer to this would depend on what you mean by sever and whether he has been around when you have been that bad before. If this is the first time he has seen you that bad then I would think its totally possible he is just in shock and needs some time and space to process what he has experienced. If it was really bad it might have scared him too, and he might be scared of losing you or not being able to be there for you all the time.
It doesnt necessarily mean he is going to leave you; he said he loves you to reassure you. It may well be posing questions in his mind but the best thing you can do right now is relieve the pressure and back away like you are intending to do. If you push him now that will only make things worse and potentially totally alienate him.
When he does contact you again; which i am 99.9% he will then try and be calm. I know this is so so hard to do but if you can show him at least a front of being unaffected then it will help you. Good luck and lets us know how you get on :)
...............................
|
