A
female
age
36-40,
*ulu_lol
writes:I was dating this guy casually last June...however that time he wasn't into me or whatever...so i stopped trying to get close to him...the signs were there...he didn't call or message me till i did it first n he was always too busy to hang out...Funny thing is when we kissed i felt as though we had a good spark...Anyhow i started dating other men, and moved on.A few months later (Dec to be precise);he called me up stating that he loves me. According to him; he had tried dating other girls but it wasn't the same for him. After that, he said he was sure i was the one he wanted to be with.We went out on a couple of dates...which were pretty decent...but i wasn't really feeling it.Maybe its because he'd acted so cold and aloof earlier, i can't trust him...anyhow...he said that he loves me. The thing is..i can't seem to believe him.Because even now...he is too busy to take out time...or am i expecting too much...even when i call him,he always says he's too busy and if i don't call or text first;he wouldn't do it.and apart from that...i don't feel he loves me...his whole attitude seems to be very half - hearted...i mean when we went out on a date - i payed twice n he never offered to foot the bill...he never walks me home...he forgets about me the minute we part...there seems to be no tenderness...What should i do?Does he actually love me? Or is he just unable to express his feelings?
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female
reader, Lulu_lol +, writes (10 February 2011):
Lulu_lol is verified as being by the original poster of the question Thanks for the advice guys...even i feel its a waste of time! Its a pity...coz i really did like him...but like i said, i'm just not 'feeling it'...
A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 February 2011): Have you seen the movie "He's Just Not That Into You" ?
Not only from that movie but from my own experience, and also from common sense I'll say this: If a guy really wants to be with you, he'll make it happen. If a man wants to be in a relationship with you, there he will be. If he wants ---and is capable of--- a healthy relationship with you, he'll make it happen.
And the man that you truly deserve, he won't leave you guessing, wondering, or not sure if you can trust him.
There are so many people out there who needlessly let their hearts suffer in the grips of someone who is half-assing their way to ur heart. Since he was evidently either not too into you before, or wasn't sure before and continues to seem aloof or unsure still, it is very obvious that he hasn't found his soul mate in you.
A truly good man who we all deserve will treat us with respect, be kind, open, and easily trust worthy. I know that description sometimes sound like makebelieve or too soft, but it's not necessarily so. There are tons of awesome dudes out there who can develop love for their partners in a healthy way and respect their partners 100% every day.
And the reason we all have put up with less then great is because we just want so badly for this one to work out. We are too afraid of the fall out. We don't want to be alone, tired of searching, and the feelings of rejection after any kind of break up... We try so hard to avoid it.
But here is what a broken heart taught me- you will be better off going thru the pain NOW of ending it with this one in order to get to the better times ahead. Just dumpt this guy! He sounds like a loser to be honest. I know you like him and I don't want to be rude, but I can hear it in your message. Drop him and move on, as painstaking as that will be.
Think of how he is now. He's not going to change. They NEVER do. Is this the kind of person you want to spend the rest of your life with? Would your parents and grandparents be happy for you if they knew how he made you feel like this? Do other people who love you treat you this way? This is clearly not love. The sooner you remove him from your life, the sooner this will be in your past and you can be truly happy. Good luck!
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (10 February 2011):
 Well he obviously has feelings for you if he is going to call you up out of the blue and declare his love. That takes a lot of guts and courage for a guy. So my guess is he is just not sure how to express himself. Maybe he is just genuinly busy. However you need to think to yourself exactly what you need out of this relationship in order for it to work and sit down with him and tell him how you feel. He may not realise you feel like this and hopefully he will start to make more of an effort. If not then it is probably best you part and search for the guy that has the qualities you are looking for. Goodluck sweetie.
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