A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi, I already posted something similar to this already, but it's gotten a bit worse. So I have an ex, and lately he's been contacting me. In my other question I just asked what it means that he's contacting me. Again, to recap, the breakup was amicable and we agreed to be friends. But again, I have to emphasize that he broke up with me. I feel like this is important because since he broke it off, I don't believe he wants anything more than a friendship with me. So, since the breakup about two months ago now, I feel like he's actually contacting me to play with me. But I can't really say for sure, it's just a feeling I have. He'll contact me out of the blue and say he wants to see me, that he misses me. He'll want me to come over and hang out, he wants to come over and spend the night, he wants to take overnight trips together. And I've been telling him no, not just because I actually have been busy lately, but also because I really don't want to fall back into a dating relationship with him, especially if he wants to do things that I feel cross the line between friendship and dating (like spending the night). Because we agreed to be friends, though, I really do want this friendship to work if it's possible, and I hate to just end it because I'm over-reacting. And I want us to be normal regular friends, where I don't have to think the way I'm thinking right now and where I end up feeling the need to post something here. (No offense, I've had a great experience with really helpful feedback! :))From what I know of him, he's actually a really nice guy, so I can't imagine that he would be trying to hurt me or play me on purpose. But shouldn't he know that this is inappropriate? Or am I the only one who thinks this is inappropriate? Oh, I should mention that we did hang out once since the breakup, after he flaked on me once. And usually when he calls me (at least once a week), he's calling because he wants to hang out. If I say I can't, he'll find a reason to cut the call short and say he'll call me back right away, but he doesn't. Maybe he's not a phone guy, but I usually chat by phone with friends. I mean we can catch up by phone without having to actually meet in person. But this is another reason why I'm a little suspicious. I honestly don't know if I'm over-reacting, if I'm being unreasonably paranoid. None of my other friends are like this, so I don't know... I mean in all fairness, we did used to date, and so recently, too... But he is aware of these facts, too, so he shouldn't be so clueless. I guess in the end, if he's doing this on purpose or is just playing games with me...well I'm irritated because it's just so...unkind. Any insight or help is appreciated, thanks!
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female
reader, Shen  +, writes (16 June 2010):
He broke up with you because he did not want a relashiopn ship with you, but hey your a great person so being friends after is an added bonus..,.
Contacting you to chat is part of the being friends part... (i don't think you really at the stage of friends- he still an ex in your mind ... not a buddy to go to movies with)
He is probably past that point a bit and thinks of you as the great mate that you can be.. these are hard to find...and hey he is human... he would sleep with you again if it didn't cause to much of an issue...
It sounds like you hooking up with him for sweet times and easy days would be great- for him....
It sounds like it would cause chaos and disaster on your side.
Remember you dont have to stay friends when you break up, you can just break up and move on. If you think that you would emotionally conect tooo much for your average banter call and if you think you will spend hours analising what he says then skip it.. dont bother with the torcher..
Let him klnow that he was a great boyfriend and you would be willing to date again at anytime..but you have enough friends and thats not his role.
Good luck with your choices
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