A
female
age
41-50,
*ull Grown Fool
writes:I have an issue I'm needing help with. I've recently found out that my husband has been looking up his ex wife, my ex best friend and several (even our next door neighbor's daughter who used to work at hooters) other chicks on Facebook to the extent that I consider it stalking. I'm not sure what steps to take about any of this. My ex best friend led a rather easy lifestyle being generous to her husbands friend while he watched and three some type activities. One condition I had with my husband was that he never be alone with them while he was drinking. Of course, he wasn't able to uphold that and I will never know if anything did or did not happen because he lies to me all the time. A few years ago I found out that she had texted him and blew up about it and thought he had put an end to it but now I am seeing that he has been following her on FB and most likely chatting with her since she was the one most looked at. As for the ex wife.... she cheated on him with every Tom Dick and Harry, if he wants that then I would say he needs to go back to her. Does anyone have any advice for me. I'm leaning towards leaving as I feel there is no trust. Without trust then it's just a crazy marriage always having to decipher truths from lies. It is no way to live.
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female
reader, Ciar  +, writes (9 December 2012):
 To be honest I don't think talking to him about this or confronting him is going to improve matters whatsoever. In my opinion the troubles in this relationship are beyond repairing.
This isn't simply a matter of trust, but character and your husband appears to be sorely lacking in both.
It isn't just that he's seeking out other women, but the type of women and the degree to which he follows them. It's downright creepy. An ex wife who cheated on him with just about anyone? A friend's daughter???
You don't need to explain why you're uncomfortable with him keeping in touch with his ex wife. That is a no brainer. He already knows why which is why he lies about it.
He isn't safeguarding the relationship. He isn't avoiding temptation. Everything he does brings him one step closer to acting out his fantasies.
What you can do is get your ducks in a row, gather up evidence (without him knowing), speak to an attorney and when you're ready blindside him with divorce papers. Better yet, let your lawyer blindside him for you. Then, when the time is right you can drop a bombshell on him and reveal some of the evidence you have against him.
That is really the only thing that will get his attention. But don't bluff.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 December 2012): Thanks for your replies, I'm goin nuts trying to figure out what to do.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 December 2012): I found out about his facebook because he left his page open and I looked. And no I haven't spoken with him about it, I cant even look at him right now because I feel so betrayed. As far as knowing how I fell he knew very well how I felt about him and her keeping in touch due to the fact that she became very vindictive at the end of our friendship and I explained to him that the only reason she would be contacting him would be in an attempt to hurt me in some manner. Each time he lied to me about any contact between them. and honestly don't know for sure about any of that since he won't tell me the truth about it. What I found really creepy that he was also looking at a former coworkers wife on a regular basis. And others.....
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (9 December 2012):
 You are right it is no way to live! Have you spoke to him about this? Told him how you feel? I cannot tell you if he is being unfaithful or not but it is obvious you do not have much trust in him so I really don't see this marriage surviving!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 December 2012): How do you know about his 'facebooking'?
Confront him about it.
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