A
female
age
30-35,
*isingstar624
writes:Ok so i'm sort of seeing this guy. We went to high school together and maybe 6 months ago I ran into him at a bar while I was out with my friends. I didn't recognize him, my friend did. We called him over to our table and we caught up. I asked if he remembered me and he was like YEAH! and i felt bad that i didn't remember who he was. I friend requested him on Facebook and didn't think about it again.flash forward like 2-3 months. I was out at the bars with my best friend and he runs into me. he was like hey! and started talking to me. We were discussing how we both get free drinks sometimes at certain bars and i joked with him that if he took me to the drink where he gets his free drinks i would take him to mine. so we could both get free drinks. and he asked if i wanted to go to the other bar. I said sure and left my friend. the bar wasn't open anymore but i know the bartenders at a different bar and they let us sneak in. I ordered a drink and he didn't get anything. After a few minutes he asks to talk to me in private. I go into the hallway to talk to him and he starts kissing me. We move to the bathroom and make out some more. I finally tell him we need to stop and everyone in the bar jokes that we must have had sex. I told him that i lived a few blocks away and sometimes i walk home and he asked me if he could walk me home. I said sure. so he held his arm out to me and i held it as we walked back to my house. every few blocks or so he grabs me and kisses me, and then says he's sorry but he just had to do that. we get back to my house and he asks if he can come inside so that his friends can bring him his car keys. i say sure (i live with my parents) and we sit on my couch. we start making out again but i don't sleep with guys that i'm not in a relationship with, and i told him that and he would always say that was ok. we were getting frisky and he would ask me if he could do something like touch my boob or something and if i said no he would respect that but if i said yes then he would. and he did that a lot. and my willpower was giving out because kissing him was HOT. so it gets to the point where he fingers me but i don't do anything to him. and i tell him we have to stop. that if he wanted to do stuff like that with me he would have to date me. and he said yes he wanted to date me. then we passed out by accident woke up at 4am and i told him he had to go. his mom got him and he leftnext day he didn't really text me that much. i figured that he had just been saying stuff because he wanted to get in my pants and didn't take it personally. i realized he left his coat at my house so i texted him telling him he could come pick it up when he wanted to. so he came over after i got off work and i met him at the door with his coat. i handed it to him and he just stood in the doorway. i could tell that he wanted me to ask him inside so i did. then we walked into my kitchen where my parents said hi and i could tell he wanted me to ask him if he wanted to hang a bit. so i did and we went into my basement and talked and kissed a bit. i kept telling him though if he wanted me he had to date me. so we met up a few times in the next week and a half like 2 times i think, each time was at his place and we just went to his room and made out. i never really did anything to him. he would just do stuff to me. no oral though and no sex. I kept asking to go on a date and he told me he got paid on friday and then he would take me on a real datefriday rolls around and he had asked me to the movies. when i texted him asking if he still wanted to go he told me he was actually going out to the bars with some of his friends from college that were in town. i said ok. and then left it to him to talk to me. I didn't hear from him again.flash forward to this past weekend. my boyfriend and i were having problems and i had gone to see him at the bar where he works and he basically ignored me. so i went to a different bar for an hour and just had a couple of drinks by myself. i get up to leave and run into the other guy. he tells me that he was so happy to see me and that he was so so sorry that he didn't call me. that he thought that i hated him because i didn't talk to him and the couple of times i had run into him at the bar when i was with my boyfriend i pretty much ignored him. he asked how he could make it up to me, and i said i don't know. he offered me a ride home and i said fine. he once again offered his arm to me and i took it and we walked to his car. he kissed me on my neck but i told him i had a boyfriend and even though him and i were having problems that i wouldn't cheat on him. so we talk for a bit in the car and then go to a different bar and just talk and he told me how much he liked me and how sad he was that he missed his chance. pretty much said the L word at one point. and i told him that i didn't trust him, that i thought he was only out for sex and that i did like him and i would have dated him but that he never called me. so he promises he will call me and asks if i want to go see a movie with him the next day to make up for the movie he didn't take me to see, just as friendsso next day my boyfriend and i break up. completely unrelated circumstances, and i meet up with this guy. tell him my bf and i broke up and we go see the movie. we go back to his car and asks if he can kiss me. i say yes and we kiss. he texts me though out the day. and he asked me to hang out at his house the other day. i told him i would but that it had to be more than just making out. it ended up being mostly making out. He doesn't ask too many questions about me, or at least it doesn't seem like he's trying to get to know me but i could be wrong. i am trying to keep my distance because if he just wants sex then i'm not his girl. I did tell him about my rule of not having sex for at least 6 months of dating someone and he told me he was fine with that. everytime i try and text him something cute or something like i would kiss him and stuff he doesn't respond cute back. i don't know if thats just him or if he is annoyed that i'm looking for more than a hookup. we are going on a date tomorrow. he had asked me to do something a few days ago and i said no but that i was free friday. i asked him today what he wanted to do and he said i don't know. i suggested we go to dinner and bowling and he said that would be fine. (i want to stay away from houses where we could end up just making out) the question is, i don't know if he is into me. i don't know if he wants to date me or if he is invested in trying to break down my wall and conquer me. because he does respond to me and asks me how I'm doing. i am not usually the one to text first, but i feel i am the one who tries to keep the conversation going. i asked him a few days ago what he was looking for and he said he didn't know.so i'm just really confused because some of the stuff he does screams player to me, and other things he does makes it seem like he wants more than that. so I'm just curious what other people think and how they think i should handle the situation to figure out which one he is. thanks
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (11 December 2015):
 It sounds to me like he just wants to get in to your pants, he doesn't make a huge effort to wine and dine you, he just keeps inviting you to his house. I think he feels that he will get in to your pants with some work. If he was interested in you as a person, he would be writing to you trying to catch your attention, he would be asking you out on dates. He would not keep making out with you he would get to know you as a person, your interests and likes. He would spend time with you trying to get to know you more.
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