A
female
age
30-35,
*emale bert
writes:I was doing a quiz in a magazine about falling in love, and asked my boyfriend how many times he has been in love, and said he was deeply in love with his ex, and they were engaged, he had told me before that it was a joke engagement, but now says he said that so as not to hurt my feelings. We live together away from all our friends so i have no one to talk too, he says he wants to spend the rest of his life with me, but wants to wait until we get married, i was just wondering if he is showing signs of reget or if he doesnt love me more than her, everytime i bring her up he gets annoyed and changes the subject, she was his first love so i know there will be a connection, but does it sound like he's having second thoughts about us?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 August 2007): No it doesn't sound at all like he is having second thoughts about you. I don't think that is where the problem is. It's just that what he told you about his ex was really insensitive! Even if you did ask!
I have been in relationships where my bf's have asked about exes and I would rather lie than hurt their feelings and make them feel inadequate which is what your bf has done to you. I mean I know you asked but he didn't have to go so far into detail. He could have just said "yeah I loved my ex but I love you too and I love you more." Or something like that.
But to tell you he was DEEPLY in love? And furthermore he could have just said that he was in love with you without bringing her up. I don't know. I think what he said was very unnecessary. I can see why you are suddenly worried and feeling paranoid.
I would just tell him how you feel. Tell him that what he said was insensitive and that now you are worried (as would be normal for you to feel) that he may have lingering feelings for his ex and that he made you feel inadequate. If he gets defensive or can't understand why you feel the way you do, then that is just a sign that maybe your bf is not as great as you thought.
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